American Idol 2011 - Top 8 - Movie Week

Great. Do we get that talentless homophobic twat Will.I.Am every week now?

1. Paul - Old Time Rock N Roll (Risky Business)
W. T. F. No. Just no. Dressed like a matador, strutting like a chicken, screeching like a chicken.

2. Lauren - The Climb (Hannah Montana)
Rather than having a better voice than Miley Cyrus, they actually sound remarkably similar on this song, and, frankly, Joe McElderry had them both beat. I can't say I felt any emotion the way the judges claimed to.

3. Stefano - End of the Road (Boomerang)
Great. The guy who oversings does a song by the group that oversings. It appears either he doesn't know the lyrics, or I never did. He's still dead behind the constipated eyes, he's still loving himself more than the song, he's still not getting it. If J-Lo thinks he's finally answered her criticism from a few weeks ago, then I take it back- she wasn't right. The point I thought she was making still stands.

4. Scotty - I Cross My Heart (Pure Country)
After surprising everybody by opting for Everybody's Talkin', he caves and goes for... shock horror... a country song. Don't know the song, don't know the film, don't care, don't care, don't care. I'm sure he'll go on to outsell Lady Gaga in the US, but nobody outside of their borders will give a shit. And this is from someone who likes Carrie Underwood.

5. Casey - Nature Boy (no fucking clue)
Obviously we'll have the double bass every week after last week's comments. Well, vocally, we're back in Teen Spirit mode, but at least that performance couldn't have been called boring. Actually worse than Paul. For real. Cue standing ovation from the judges. For real. Yeah, okay make out you didn't waste the save on Casey now that Pia's gone. I'm not buying it. "A true artist". Yes, people have said that about elephants too, you know.

6. Haley - Call Me (American Gigolo)
The most karaoke this season has been so far. At times, pretty awful. Someone's confidence is writing cheques their voice can't cash. Finally, Randy's got something right this week. "I love it when you start wailing at the end". Another backhanded compliment courtesy of J-Lo there.

7. Jacob - Bridge Over Troubled Water (The Pursuit of Happyness)
Glad he got a telling-off for his comments last week. But THAT was an emotional performance. Didn't quite give me the chills as it should have, but hands down best of the night so far.

8. James - Heavy Metal (Heavy Metal?!?)
A while ago I suggested James was becoming the rock equivalent of Scotty. This confirms it. I'm sure it was very good, but whatever.

My top 3: Jacob, Lauren (I guess) and... There isn't a third.

My bottom 3: Casey, Paul, Haley.

Results Show

Scotty and Lauren - American Honey (Lady Antebellum)
It only a matter of time before Scotty ends up singing a Taylor Swift song, isn't it? They're also doing their very best to squeeze the personality out of Lauren by sticking her with the blandest songs and the blandest performer left. Fortunately, she managed to outshine him but just being there.

Next up, a VT (that stands for Video Tape) in which the contestants dress up as zombies. Alright. James Durbin looks NO different.

Haley & Casey then perform a hellish jazz duet that I just want to forget ever happened. If this is a sign of things to come, they'd better both be voted out tonight. I can'sk takes no mo'.

Scotty is safe. Pun intended. Lauren too, thankfully. Haley's in the bottom three, Casey is safe. Looks like America bought the judges' efforts then.

Rob Reiner gives the contestants some advice on acting or something. Worth it if only for him rubbing it into Casey that he's a poor man's Seth Roegen, although he apparently sees himself as Jack Black.

Kelly Clarkson duets with some country guy on some country song that's apparently a "hit". Glad to see she's holding her own against Carrie Underwood, then. The switch to country is pure coincidence. Honest. Really. Fo' sho'. Yep. LOVE her back-pedalling on last week's Casey comment. Egg on MY face.

Stefano, Paul, James and Jacob perform The Sound of Silence as a group together. Way to showcase those vocals. Then Mrs Robinson gives James and Paul their chance to "shine". Oh how I love hearing Paul's beautiful voice in isolation. Honest. Really. Fo' sho'. Yep...

James is safe, Stefano isn't. Jacob's safe, PAUL ISN'T!!!!! Woo hoo! They act like it's the first time. Where were they two weeks ago?

Rihanna performs California King in a pretty spectacular fashion. Ah, so THAT's how it's done.

Ryan points out that Haley is safe, meaning whoever leaves will be the first guy to leave the competition. I hadn't even noticed. Thankfully it's PAUL!!! A.F.T.