The X Factor 2012 - Week 1 - Heroes/inspiration

It's back! So, so am I.

WILDCARD RESULT (aka Foregone Conclusion)
Times Red (Team Louis Walsh)
Amy Mottram (Team Tulisa)
Adam Burridge (Team Nicole Scherzinger)
and, through to perform... Chris Maloney (Team Gary Barlow).

TEAM LOUIS
1. District 3 - The Best [Tina Turner]
Doing nothing that any boyband hasn't done for the last 20 years, we get over-singing and poor harmonies. Turning this into a lame mid-tempo ballad didn't help. I'm not averse to boybands nor the song, but it didn't work for me.

TEAM NICOLE
2. James Arthur - Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) [Kelly Clarkson]
An interesting arrangement that took some of the cheese out. Not sure about the rap, even though he pulled it off, but his vocals were undeniably strong.

TEAM GARY
3. Melanie Masson - With A Little Help From My Friends [Joe Cocker/The Beatles]
One of the best performances from the "overs" we've ever had. Amazing. Ruth Lorenzo, eat your heart out.

TEAM TULISA
4. Lucy Spraggan - Mountains
A bit wordy in the verses, then contrastingly sparse in the chorus. Not the greatest vocal in the world, but she sold her song and told its story.

TEAM LOUIS
5. MK1 - Champion [Chipmunk & Chris Brown]
Full of contemporary attitude (swag, if you will), but unfortunately the vocals didn't match.

TEAM GARY
6. Chris Maloney - Hero [Mariah Carey]
"X Factor Clichés", page one. Fortunately, his vocals were up to it. But yawn. "You need a little burger with that cheese"!!! Go Nicole!!!

TEAM LOUIS
7. Union J - Don't Stop Me Now [Queen]
It's become obvious why George was added, as he provided the closest thing to decent vocals in this performance. Yikes, the groups are crap this year.

TEAM TULISA
8. Jade Ellis - Hero [Enrique Iglesias]
I love her voice, but this song didn't match it. Nicole was again spot-on, it was in the wrong key.

TEAM NICOLE
9. Ryan Clark - Gold [Spandau Ballet]
The "comedy" act of this year, and nobody's laughing so they're trying to take him seriously. The song was in far too low a key (i.e. any key) but I have to give him his dues for his performance. He worked that stage. Shame about the voice. Again, fair play to Nicole- I agreed with Gary's comments but she freaking OWNED him with her comebacks.

TEAM GARY
10. Kye Sones - Man in the Mirror [Michael Jackson]
"X Factor Clichés", page five. Gary is letting himself and his acts down already. That said, it's a great song and he did a great job with the second half. Just forget the first half. The clappy arrangement really grew on me.

TEAM TULISA
11. Ella Henderson - Rule The World [Take That]
As long as I don't watch her, I can enjoy her. (That hair! Those lips! That eye-makeup!) Her vocals are amazing, if a bit on the shouty side, especially against the stripped-down arrangement. Definitely one to watch. Although I have to say the clip used in the recaps sounded bloody awful.

TEAM GARY
12. Carolynne Poole - Starships [Nicki Minaj]
People seem to have forgotten that she came third in Fame Academy (behind Alex Parks and Alastair Griffin, and no, I didn't need to Google that). Frankly, this countrified arrangement wiped the floor with Nicki Minaj's original, and her vocals were flawless. She might even be able to pull off "Any Man of Mine" without getting voted off.

TEAM NICOLE
13. Jahmene Douglas - Imagine [John Lennon]
See my American Idol comments about Joshua Ledet. Except Jahmene avoided hairballs as well as the melody. Great voice, shame what he chooses to do with it.

RESULTS
Bottom two:
TEAM NICOLE
Rylan Clark: One Night Only [Dreamgirls]
Lets hope the title is prophetic. He didn't exactly give the kind of vocals that could win anybody over, and his nerves obviously impinged on his performance.

TEAM GARY
Carolynne Poole: There You'll Be [Faith Hill]
I had a horrible feeling Carolynne would be in danger. Damn it. Needless to say, she sang Rylan off the stage. Unfortunately, Louis Walsh gets a vote.

Nicole sends home Carolynne
Gary sends home Rylan
Tulisa sends home Rylan
Louis saves Carolynne then takes it to deadlock. Twat.
Deadlock: The public sends home Carolynne. Gary storms off. Thanks to Louis's dithering, Carolynne gets no "best bits" montage.