Eurovision 2014 Semifinal 1 (Preview - updated with results)

BBC3HD, Tuesday May 6th 8pm

1. Not Alone - Aram MP3  (Armenia)

The bookies' favourite kicks things off, and what we get is begins as a rather nondescript, repetitive ballad but gradually builds to a full-on dupstep climax. For me, there are far stronger ballads this year, but it's pretty good and Aram sings very well. The staging is relatively simple, with Aram (ironically) very much alone, and the backdrop comes to life as the song builds.

Memorable bit: "You're not alone, you're not alone, etc."

Should qualify? Yes.
Will qualify? Yes.
Result? Through.

2. Cake To Bake - Aarzemnieki  (Latvia)

One of the contest's biggest water-cooler moments arrives already, with this adorably silly, folksy ditty about a guy who has been there, done that; except when it comes to baking a cake. It's bizarre, insanely catchy and loads of fun. The hippyish staging with the woodland backdrop adds to the folksy, camp-fire charm.

Memorable bit: The title alone will make this one memorable.

Should qualify? Yes.
Will qualify? Yes.
Result? Out.

3. Amazing - Tanja  (Estonia)

A dancer first and a singer second, Tanja does an (ahem) amazing job of singing live whilst being flung around by a male dancer. However, she does it with an acrobatic grace, and her voice is strong and unfaltering. The song itself is pure Europop, and it's fab. There have been complaints that it sounds a lot like 2012 winner Euphoria, but it's different enough to warrant praise of its own.

Memorable bit: "Stay, amazing lie".

Should qualify? Yes.
Will qualify? Yes.
Result? Out. WTF?

4. Undo - Sanna Nielsen  (Sweden)

Eurovision powerhouse Sweden are always one to watch, and this year is no exception. Sanna is a seasoned veteran, and very well-known amongst Eurovision fans, as this is her SEVENTH attempt to represent her country. She's not only achieved her goal at last, but is also a strong contender for the win. Undo is a big, produced ballad, complete with the obligatory "doosh... key change" moment. Still pretty good though, despite the poor grammar. "Undo my sad", indeed.

Memorable bit: "u-u-u-undo my sad".

Should qualify? Yes.
Will qualify? Yes.
Result? Through.

5. No Prejudice - Pollapönk  (Iceland)

Eurovision goes punk! Well, sort of. At times, it has that early-80s/Arctic Monkeys feel of a song that was recorded in someone's garage. However, the colourful outfits ensure that these guys clearly don't take themselves too seriously as this fun, up-tempo rocker puts its serious message forward in a humorous way. Take THAT, Russia! Even though it is sung in English, make sure you have the subtitles on, the lyrics are an absolute gem.

Memorable bit: The colourful guys going "b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b...".

Should qualify? Yes.
Will qualify? No.
Result? Through. Yay!

6. One Night's Anger - Hersi (Albania)

Albania have developed something of a reputation for bringing rock to Eurovision, and this is no exception. What may begin as a rather inoffensive Celtic ballad sung on a ramp by a woman with a strange, high-pitched tone gradually builds and builds to a nicely rocky climax. The melody is strong, but the overall effect is worryingly unremarkable.

Memorable bit: "Don't give in your pride".

Should qualify? No.
Will qualify? No.

Result? Out.

7. Shine - Tolmachevy Sisters  (Russia)

Eurovision, it's all political!! Well, let's see. After their attacks on homosexuals and Ukraine, Russia aren't exactly being overwhelmed by international support right now, and deservedly so. So whom have they entered this year (other than Crimea, that is)? A song that epitomises the word "bland" sung by a pair of identical-twin teenage girls, and veterans of the Junior Eurovision Song Contest to boot. So to boo them would be unfair, right?  However, the song's ironic lines about "telling all the world to show some love..." won't sit very well with anybody. Unless they're trying to tell us that their Aryan spawn are proof that the world should just accept their world domination and realise that they're just doing what's best for all of us. Thanks, but we're fine as we are.

Memorable bit: Children of the Corn on a see-saw.

Should qualify? No.
Will qualify? Yes.

Result? Through. Booooooo!

8. Start A Fire - Dilara Kazimova  (Azerbaijan)

In a very short time, Azerbaijan have established themselves as a true force in the Eurovision Song Contest, having won just a few years ago, and never placed lower than eighth. I have a feeling this year may change matters with this surprisingly forgettable entry. It's a classy, piano-led ballad that's lacking a memorable hook, and although Dilara's voice is gorgeous, you won't be humming it afterwards.

Memorable bit: The distracting woman on the trapeze.

Should qualify? No.
Will qualify? Yes.

Result? Through.

9. Tick-Tock - Mariya Yaremchuk (Ukraine)

From one disappointing Eurovision power-house to another. Whilst the song may be a surprisingly weak effort from the usually reliable Ukraine, this upbeat, poppy song is still strong enough to be in the better half, and the inventive hamster wheel staging certainly sells the song. Combined with the public sympathy vote, they will certainly qualify.

Memorable bit: The hamster wheel.

Should qualify? Yes.
Will qualify? Yes.

Result? Through.

10. Mother - Axel Hirsoux  (Belgium)

This one has proven to be very divisive with Eurovision fans. It's a big, emotional ballad sung (extremely well) by a cross between Paul Potts and Rik Waller. A lot of western fans are dismissing this as creepy (especially given the ghostly backing dancer), but I think it will resonate across all competing countries, especially given that Mother's Day approaches for many European countries this coming weekend. A dark horse.

Memorable bit: Let's call a spade a spade. It's the big fat man singing to his mother.

Should qualify? Yes.
Will qualify? Yes.

Result? Out.

11. Wild Soul - Crisitina Scarlat  (Moldova)

Despite Christina's powerful vocals, the over-the-top production and the dramatic Roman-inspired staging, this is a pretty forgettable song.

Memorable bit: "Mercy, I have no feelings of mercy".

Should qualify? No.
Will qualify? No.

Result? Through.

12. Maybe (Forse) - Valentina Monetta  (San Marino)

Back for the third consecutive year, Valentina enters almost a carbon-copy of her entry from last year. It's not offensive, and the build as it shifts from ballad to something more up-tempo is certainly more fluid than Chrysalide (Vola), but this is definitely the weaker song of the two and it is difficult to imagine anybody getting excited about it.

Memorable bit: Venus in her oyster shell.

Should qualify? No.
Will qualify? No.

Result? Through. Wow!

13. Moj Svijet - Sergej Cetkovic  (Montenegro)

A gorgeous mid-tempo Celtic ballad, full of lush strings, pan pipes, crashing drums and beautiful vocals. If THIS was the favourite, I'd understand better, although it does end rather unexpectedly. They've thrown a lot at the staging, but the song is strong enough to not require it.

Memorable bit: The Pandora-from-Avatar backdrop and the ice-skater.

Should qualify? Yes.
Will qualify? Yes.

Result? Through.

14. Quero Ser Tua - Suzy (Portugal)

With its full-on Latin rhythms, this track has a pure Mardi Gras party vibe. Whilst my Portuguese isn't strong enough for me to have any idea what she's singing, there plenty of whoa-oh-ohs to sing a long to. My 7-year-old niece calls this "the Madagascar song". Ethnic-pop songs like this were a staple of Eurovision many years ago, but this is the only one this year, and is all the better for it.

Memorable bit: The Mardi Gras one.

Should qualify? Yes.
Will qualify? No.

Result? Out.

15. Calm After The Storm - The Common Linnets  (Netherlands)

As nondescript as a song can get, it's a pretty dour goes-nowhere country ballad. The black-and-white staging is pretty basic, too. That said, it's far from terrible, and makes for a pleasant, if forgettable three minutes.

Memorable bit: The country duet.

Should qualify? No.
Will qualify? No.

Result? Through! On the night, they killed it! Completely changed me around. Excellent.

16. Running - András Kállay-Saunders  (Hungary)

A rather downbeat ballad about domestic abuse suddenly kicks into an up-tempo drum n bass chorus that's catchy in a good way, whilst managing to avoid a shift in tone. The dramatic staging makes a great impact, too, particularly the final shot.

Memorable bit: "She keeps on running, running, running..."

Should qualify? Yes.
Will qualify? Yes.

Result? Through.