Eurovision Song Contest 2017 Kyiv - Semifinal 1
Tuesday May 9th May 2017, BBC Four, 8pm
NB UK viewers get to vote on this one, so keep those numbers handy! ;-)
As always, 10 go through to Saturday's final, so eight songs exit the competition here.
1. Robin Bengtsson - I Can't Go On (Sweden)
Kicking things off in fine sharp-suited style, we have a party song sung by a guy who is far too cool for his own good, backed up by four dancers who join him for an impressive synchronised dance routine - on treadmills. Definitely one to keep your eyes on the screen for.
Fun fact: In the original version of this, he sang a different word from "freakin'".
Catchy bit: "I can't go on, I can't go on, when you look this freakin' beautiful".
Which one is this?
The one with the synchronised dancing on treadmills
Should qualify? Yes
Will qualify? Yes
Result: Through
2. Tamara Gachechiladze - Keep the Faith (Georgia)
An epic ballad that would not sound out of place over the opening credits of a James Bond film, Tamara, with big hair and a lacy red dress, has impressive vocals very reminiscent of The Voice UK coach Jennifer Hudson.
Fun fact: Tamara was part of Georgian group Stephane & 3G. They were banned from entering in 2009 for a song deemed to be anti-Putin. It was called "We Don't Wanna Put In"
Catchy bit: "Keep the faith, keep the faith, remember you are not alone"
Which one is this?
The James Bond ballad by the big-haired woman in red
Should qualify? No
Will qualify? No
Result: Out.
A slick, modern pop ballad sung by a 17-year old boy of Indigenous Australian descent with an incredibly huge, soulful voice. He performs the song from a revolving turntable in front of images of himself. It represents his inner turmoil, apparently. The song itself is a bit of a grower.
Fun fact: He is the most recent winner of The X Factor Australia, and his mentor was American Idol runner-up and current Queen frontman Adam Lambert.
Catchy bit: "It don't come easy, it don't come cheap"
Which one is this?
The Indigenous Australian guy on the turntable.
Should qualify? Yes
Will qualify? Yes
Result: Through
Another epic ballad performed by another girl with a huge voice. This one is distinctive by the gap in her teeth, and the staging is more futuristic, with images of clocks and flying cities.
Fun fact: Lindita was in the last season of American Idol, but didn't make the live shows.
Catchy bit: "What's the fight all for?"
Which one is this?
The big female ballad with the clocks
Should qualify? No (Although this changed to a yes after the performance)
Will qualify? No
Result: Out.
This was an instant fan-favourite, but I'm a bit more skeptical. It's a decent, mid-tempo pop song, nicely modern with a slick production and the 17-year old girl who sings it has a surprisingly deep voice. Unfortunately, that voice lacks any power or passion, and she herself lacks charisma and stage presence. But if she gets it right, this could come across as a likeable vulnerability. We'll find out on the night,..
Fun Fact: Blanche is actually her second middle name.
Catchy bit: "All alone in the danger zone"
Which one is this?
Up-tempo electropop song sung by a terrified-looking girl in the black wedding dress.
Should qualify? Yes (Although this changed to a no after the performance)
Will qualify? Yes, if she gets the performance right.
Result: Through.
This one won't be forgotten easily. Performed by a super-camp guy with an incredibly long hair braid, it's a modern take on a 1970's-esque disco stomper. There's more to the song than first impressions suggest, but it's not the song you'll remember.
Fun fact: He used to be romantically linked to Eurovision winner Marija Šerifović, who somehow won in 2007 with the dreadful "Molitva". Google her. I'm saying nothing.
Catchy bit: "I have my suit on, no need to worry"
Which one is this?
The super-camp guy with the long hair braid.
Should qualify? Yes, the final will be missing a treat without it.
Will qualify? Sadly not.
Result: Out.
A stunningly haunting Gothic ballad, with a simple musical arrangement, and simple but effective staging - just a girl and man at a piano. And lots of dry ice.
Fun fact: She's not called Norma, he's not called John. The band's name is a reference to Marilyn Monroe's affair with JFK.
Catchy bit: "You sang when he was in my bed"
Which one is this?
The haunting Gothic ballad about the blackbird.
Should qualify? Yes
Will qualify? Yes
Result: Out. An utter travesty that sent fandom into meltdown. Me included.
An atmospheric electro-ballad with synth sounds, crashing drums and utterly head-scratching lyrics. Some examples include, "Have my lungs, my millions", "surrounded by thorn jeans" and "fuss and fight won't get you tons". But the weirdness doesn't stop there. Looking like someone from the cast of Orange is the New Black, she sings at a blackboard, with a man on a ladder, wearing a horse head. Brilliantly weird.
Fun Fact: DiHaj is a contraction of her name, Diana Hajiyeva
Catchy bit: "Bad boy, drum drum drum bring out the guns"
Which one is this?
The girl with the blackboard and horse-man
Should qualify? Yes
Will qualify? No, I think it'll be too weird.
Result: Through
Salvador is a very odd performer, pulling strange faces and doing weird things with his hands, at times recoling from the microphone. The song itself could have won the competition in the old chanson days of the 1950s, so how well it will go down with a modern audience is a complete mystery at this point. But the bookies and journalists seem confident it'll do very well.
Not-at-all-fun fact: Salvador has been absent from rehearsals due to ill health, his baggy clothing apparently concealing some post-operation strapping. His sister Luísa, who wrote the song, stood in for him while he recovered in Portugal. But fear not, he has arrived in Kyiv.
Catchy bit: "Meu bem, ouve as minhas preces"
Which one is this?
The very old-fashioned Portuguese ballad by the scruffy bearded guy.
Should qualify? No (again, this changed to a yes on the night)
Will qualify? Yes, the juries will love it.
Result: Through
A surprisingly tedious attempt at anthemic dance pop, this should be right up my street, but just isn't. The staging is interesting, giant raindrops, splashing water, raining fire and two shirtless adonises dancing by her side- but she's been missing the big notes in the rehearsals so this could turn out to be rather embarrassing...
Fun fact: The chorus lyrics were changed for Eurovision from "This is love, rain falls from above, can you feel the love?" to the equally meaningless "This is love, reaching out for the stars, you and I as one".
Catchy bit: "This is looooooooooooooooooooooooooooove"
Which one is this?
The brunette with the water effects and two adonis dancers
Should qualify? No
Will qualify? Yes
Result: Through
A pretty nondescript ballad that does that thing of rhyming words like "fire, higher, desire, wire" and "eyes, hypnotised, surprise". It's not bad, but it's Poland so will do well with the public vote.
Fun fact: Kasia is a big animal rights advocate, dedicating this song to the cause.
Catchy bit: "They'll never catch us, take us by surprise"
Which one is this?
The blonde in the white dress with the violinist.
Should qualify? No
Will qualify? Yes
Result: Through
The token comedy song. Catchy, in an irritating way, but it's the favourite of my 10-year-old niece.
Fun Fact: The band entered Eurovision in 2010 with the song "Run Away". They came 22nd, but inadvertently gifted the world of the "Epic Sax Guy" meme. And he's back!
Catchy bit: "Mamma, mamma don't be so mad"
Which one is this?
Epic Sax Guy and dancing brides.
Should qualify? No
Will qualify? Yes
Result: Through
After two undeserved non-qualifications in a row, Iceland are hoping to avoid the hat-trick, with this brilliantly cold electro-ballad. Savala has her hair scraped back into a tight Blonde Ambition bun, with makeup that makes her face look oddly uninviting, and strange, bent-over choreography that is aiming for spacey and futuristic, but looks a bit like she has cramps. The song, however, is wonderful, and her vocals more than measure up to the song.
Fun fact: In 2001 Savla charted on the Billboard top 40 singles chart with the single "The Real Me"
Catchy bit: "Paper, you cut right through, I'm stuck like glue to you"
Which one is this?
The electropop ballad by the blonde with the white cape.
Should qualify? Yes
Will qualify? No, apparently. Sad face.
Result: Out. Gutted.
Smooth jazz ballad by a girl in a shiny gold jacket, in front of a screen bearing the naked people from her video. (Don't get excited in advance, trust me you won't be.) The song is pleasantly uplifting and Martina's vocals have a lovely, distinctive quality.
Fun Fact: Czech Republic have only made it to the final once - last year. Then got 0 points in the public vote.
Catchy bit: "Baby it's you"
Which one is this?
Smooth jazz ballad by the girl in gold, backed by naked people on the screen.
Should qualify? No
Will qualify? No
Result: Out.
With a bassline straight out of Rag 'N' Bone Man's "Human", this stompy, mid-tempo track is heavy on beats and sweeping electric strings. It's a decent enough song, and has some interesting choreography, which has seen him and/or his dancers lose balance every time in rehearsals. Could be memorable for the wrong reasons, get your popcorn at the ready...
Fun fact: The song was written by Thomas G:Son, who also co-wrote 2012 winner "Euphoria" for Loreen. "Gravity" is his 13th song to make the competition.
Catchy bit: "Let me be, be your gravity"
Which one is this?
The stompy one by the Peter Andre lookalike
Should qualify? Yes
Will qualify? No
Result: Through (He pulled out a terrific performance on the night!)
And now for something completely different, Pulling the classic ballad fake-out, it moves into a an unexpectedly ethnic vibe with some complicated choreography, in particular some Bollywood-style intricate armography and finger work. Definitely one that is better when viewed, rather than just listened to. It's a definite grower, and could be a dark horse.
Fun fact: Artsvik was the first artist announced as a 2017 competitor, but the last to release their song.
Catchy bit: "Fly with me, high, oh high"
Which one is this?
The Bollywood-influenced chanty one.
Should qualify? No. It is a song contest, after all.
Will qualify? Yes
Result: Through. I still don't get the appeal.
Epic male pop ballads like this were all the rage in Eurovision ten years ago (coincidentally -or not- when this song was actually written), and while I am a sucker for this kind of cheese, it now sounds very dated and scarily old-fashioned, even amongst disco songs and a 50s-esuqe chanson.
Fun fact: Omar also entered Eurovision in 2005 (also in Kyiv) with the song "Stop", which it did, in the semis.
Catchy bit: "On my way, I'm never coming back"
Which one is this?
The big, old-fashioned Eurovision male ballad.
Should qualify? Yes
Will qualify? No
Result: Out.
A modern up-tempo clubby track, this one is definitely an earworm, but that may not be a good thing, depending on your tastes. The band, fronted by a Katy Perry lookalike, have opted for colourful neon staging and clothing to match.
Fun fact: This is the band's sixth attempt to enter Eurovision, but their first time to succeed.
Catchy bit: "Tell me babe, oh where we draw the line"
Which one is this?
The repetitive clubby neon one
Should qualify? Yes (although this also became a no after the performance)
Will qualify? Yes
Result: Out. Another big shock, but not one I'm as upset about.
Fortunately, the selection of songs in semifinal 2 is way better, in my (minority) opinion. So which of my favourites are going out this time? Bring on the bloodbath...
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