American Idol 2011 - Top 11 (redux) - Elton John

Here's hoping its use in the Elton VT (that stands for Video Tape) means nobody sings the Godawful "Bennie & the Jets"...

1. Scotty - Country Comfort.
One Trick Pony does his one trick again. I don't care. Oh, wait... He loves his grandma! That's a truly rare individual up there. Apparently the judges seem to actually think that. "When I saw Country I said ooh let's go!" Yes, Scotty, that's how we all feel.

2. Naima - I'm Still Standing.
No shit, Naima. Does simply being black actually make singing in a fake Jamaican accent acceptable? Apparently so. Ironically, it worked for her- obviously, the vocals were frequently off, but she gave the song her own vibe without simply singing the wrong notes, as other contestants do. For once, I'm being more positive than the judges. She hasn't just earned another reprieve from me, she's earned her place in the competition. Finally.

3. Paul - Rocket Man.
Nice acoustic arrangement. Unfortunately it was ruined about three seconds in, once the vocals started. I'm starting to think the real Bradley Cooper must have a better voice. Enough now. PLEASE go home. Stephen Tyler said that he actually loves the fact he can't sing in tune. Bit of a back-handed compliment, that one. But not inaccurate. (Except for the "love" bit, obviously.)

4. Pia - Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me.
What a load of ballads. But if it ain't broke, don't fix it, right? Right? RIGHT? WAKE UP, SHE'S FINISHED!
(But best vocal so far tonight.)

5. Stefano - Tiny Dancer.
Bless Jimmy Iovine. Ten attempts to get the Stefano out of Stefano's performance, but it seemed to pay off. I much prefer Stefano restrained like this- I just wish he'd work on his stage presence. He complained that his trousers were too tight for him to move his legs. It seemed to show on his face. But you can't help but feel he's thinking "damn I'm good", rather than telling the song's story, or selling its melody. He's gone from an early favourite to a frustrating watch. But he's heading in the right direction.

A brief- no, make that overly-long- interlude whilst Howie Mandell (the American Noel Edmonds) plugs his new flash mob show utterly shamelessly. I'd demand a boycott of the show after that if it wasn't for the fact that I LOVE flash mobs. I hate myself so much right now.

6. Lauren - Candle In The Wind.
A very nice performance, when she stuck to the melody as she promised to. Sadly, when she deviated- as she did a lot- it was always for the worse. But when it was good, it was very very good.

7. James - Saturday Night's Alright (For Fighting).
Okay, so he went for the predictable option, but he was never going to do "Sacrifice", was he? He's starting to become the rock equivalent of Scotty, and I'm rapidly losing interest.

8. Thia - Daniel.
Thia had a fantastic opportunity with this song to blow us away. She didn't take it. But it's a step up from the last few weeks. It's a shame that she's easily the most robotic, bland performer left in the competition, given the potential in her voice.

9. Casey - Your Song.
Any other week, that performance would be dismissed as safe. As it happens, safe is exactly what Casey needs, and the admittedly faltering vocal was slavishly respectful in a way that worked. Not amazing, but I'm liking the new attitude.

10. Jacob - Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word.
The VT alone made me suspect I'd hate this performance. I was half right. The first half was spectacular- then we had the oddest off-key change in history and it was all drama, no melody. Great last note, though. J-Lo earns a slap for the first "you made it your own" of the season. And he didn't, even. So there.

11. Haley - Bennie & the Jets.
Oh no she di'n't. Oh yes she fucking did. OUT! GET OUT RIGHT NOW!!! She hit a few nice notes but GET THE FUCK OUT!!!
(I honestly didn't know this song was coming up when I wrote my opening paragraph. What a pleasant surprise!)

My top three: Naima, Lauren & Casey. I suppose. Why not, eh? Pia, Thia and Stefano all have better voices, but are performing like robots. Some much-needed pulling-up of socks is required.

My bottom three: Haley, out of principle, Jacob, for overdoing the drama, and Paul, for being Paul.

Results Show

For some reason, we're getting duets. Okay.

Lauren & Scotty: I Told You So (Carrie Underwood & Randy Travis)
Actually pretty good- Lauren in particular has never sounded better. Scotty's style works very well in a duet.
They're both safe.

Naima & Jacob - Solid (Ashford & Simpson)
Not quite as impressive. Jacob clearly has the better voice, but Naima suited the song better as Jacon overdid it a bit. Again. But there was something very... uncomfortable. Horrid dancing, the kind you'd expect at an '80s wedding, and a lack of chemistry.
Jacob's safe, Naima's not.

Season Three winner Fantasia then sings her new single, Collard Greens & Cornbread (nope, me neither), an oddly retro doo-wop diva ballad. At least it's better than J-Lo's effort. As for the performance, she was a worthy winner, and showed off her still-impressive pipes. But I was far too distracted by the ridiculously unflattering over-glam outfit, and the pastie on her head.
(I saw her on Broadway, you know! She was awesome.)

Thia, Pia and Haley - Teenage Dream (Katy Perry)
Haley was immediately off-key, Pia's voice was oddly too big for the song, and Thia stood there awkwardly, looking like she's just making up the numbers. Which, let's face it, is becoming increasingly obvious.
Pia & Haley are safe, Thia's not.

Cut to Season Eight winner Kris. Not liking the new 'do, Kris.

And then an utterly random VT (that stands for Video Tape) where they meet former idols, Muhammad Ali and learn their super mansion isn't rainproof as Lauren slips down the stairs.

Paul, Casey, James, Stefano - Band on the Run (Wings)
Paul kicks things off in his trademark tunelessness, then the others join in in harmony and, remarkably, it gets all kinds of worse. By the time they get to the chorus, it's all evened out a bit but only James comes out smelling of anything other than shite.
Casey is safe; the judges must be more relieved than he is. James and Stefano are also safe, Paul is not. Thank fuck.

Bottom three: Paul, Naima and Thia. Apparently it's another unbelievable result. Frankly, only if Paul stays.

In a move that is DEFINITELY artistic, and not at all commercial, we get a Jamie Foxx/Will.I.Am duet. If you can call it that. (Basically they want to party and samba. They must really mean it, the number of times they repeat it.) It's from the soundtrack to the forthcoming film Rio. There's literally no way you could have know if they hadn't said. Honest. I'm sure the film isn't even a 20th Century Fox film.

Paul's safe. Thia and Naima are out.
W.
T.
F???
The girls' days were numbered, no question, but NOBODY deserves to go ahead of Paul.
NOBODY!