American Idol 2011 - Top 12 - Birth Year

1. Naima - What's Love Got To Do With It (1984)
Easily one of the weakest vocalists, I liked the new arrangement and her performance was certainly confident and professional. It just wasn't very pleasant to listen to. Glad the judges are finally hearing what I hear.

2. Paul - I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues (1984)
The Bradley Cooper/Joe Cocker love child also has one of the weaker voices, albeit with a certain amount of "vocal identity". The song, his voice, and the arrangement did not fit each other. At all. And it felt like he knew it. The illness excuses are coming out early this year.

3. Thia - Colours of the Wind (1995)
The more VT I see of Thia, the less I like her. There's a fine line between adorably ditzy and thick as shit, and she's crossing that line in strides. However, top tune, but bad choice. It sadly buried her voice, which was more Judy Kuhn than Vanessa Williams, but the performance was almost Rebecca, the finger-wagging air-horn soundalike from X Factor 2010, i.e. rooted to the spot.

4. James - I'll Be There For You (1989)
Obviously it'll never outdo the definitive version by Ashton Kutcher in A Lot Like Love, and it certainly hit a rough note from the offset. Another thumbs-up for the subtle update on the arrangement, although it highlighted the weediness of his voice, at least compared to that of the Jovi. But he'll be here for a while.

5. Haley - I'm Your Baby Tonight (1990)
Glad she chose the superior US Remix version to the horrid LP version we were stuck with. Sadly, she forgot reality TV Rule Number One. Do. NOT. Do. WHITNEY. Whitney herself proved that on X Factor. This song never showcased Whitney's vocals anyway. Until you hear someone else perform it like this, anyway. Not dreadful, but way way out of her depth. And that look is SOOO Elizabeth Berkeley in Saved By The Bell.

6. Stefano - If You Don't Know Me By Now (1989)
Obviously it'll never outdo the definitive version by David Brent, and I was dreading this after last week's OTT nonsense... but it wasn't as bad as I'd feared. He managed to reign it in (mostly) in a way that worked for me (extra props to mentor Jimmy Iovine for that), even if the arrangement also drowned him out a little.

7. Pia - Where Do Broken Hearts Go (1988)
Do. NOT. Do. WHITNEY. Horrible dancey arrangement that only subtracted and aged the song, rather than updated it. Vocally very strong, however. Oh, she's a boy apparently. Cheers, JLo.

8. Scotty - Can I Trust You With My Heart (1993)
Obviously a brave move to tackle such a global monster hit from 1993 (nope, me neither), Scotty drags out the same cheesily competent performance and for all I know same song as last week. And week before. And before that. I'd call him a one-trick pony if he had a trick. Or a... no, let's not go there. (Shiver.)

9. Karen - Love Will Lead You Back (1989)
Not a UK hit, but this is a song I know. Again, the arrangement drowned her out and seemed to demonstrate that she's basically a bilingual karaoke singer (cough Ruth Lorenzo cough cough). A nice voice, but she's filler.

10. Casey - Smells Like Teen Spirit (1991)
The lovechild of Seth Roegen & Alice The Goon proves he is dorky as he looks by attempting one of the coolest songs ever and failing spectacularly. Now we know why nobody's done Nirvana on Idol before. I saw The Word, even Kurt Cobain couldn't sing this live. Oh dear.

11. Lauren - I'm The Only One (1994)
Another worldwide monster smash hit (but hey, it's Melissa Etheridge, lesbians reprazent). She struggled on the lower notes, but easily her best performance so far and at times sounded great.

12. Jacob - Alone (1987)
CHOOOOON!!!! I remember Carrie Underwood nailing this. No pressure, then. Dramatic, camp and totally off-melody. Vocally, this is what I expected from Stefano. Wish Jimmy Iovine stepped in here. But then, I guess this is what makes Jacob Jacob. He'd better start to reign it in a bit, though, or he is going to piss me right off every week.

My top 3: James, Stefano, Pia.

My bottom 3: Naima, Paul, Casey

Results show;
Did they really just bleep the word "shitzu"?!?! FFS!

Musical guests (stretching the term slightly): The Black Eyed Peas and Lee Dewyze, one of the worst contestants to ever qualify, let alone win. Did his performance prove me wrong? Erm... no. And I'm sure I heard some auto-tune in there, that's quite a talent. That's what these people are competing for; to be the next... him. To be fair, it wasn't as bad as I'd expected; it was only boring and tuneless. For him, that's a very good night.

And the caption shouldn't read "James' family and friends". His name is James, not a plural of Jame.

Stefano, the vest under a see-through top is not a good look, even on you.

Bottom 3: Haley, Naima and Karen.

OUT: Karen.
One final bland performance of Hero Quando Quando Quando before it's time to say good hasta la vista.