Eurovision 2013 - Semi-Final 1 - Preview (Updated with Post-show reaction)

Tuesday, May 14. BBC3, 8pm

*updated with results*

It's Eurovision week. Semifinals on Tuesday & Thursday, then the grand final on Saturday May 18. Given that the UK automatically qualify, few UK viewers will be tuning in to BBC3 during the week, which is a shame. Many decent songs, including some of my own favourites, will inevitably fall by the wayside and not be heard on Saturday night.

This year's crop of songs is a decent bunch. Whilst it may be lacking in many truly great songs (there's no Euphoria-esque clear winner this year), it's also lacking in abominable songs too (though not completely, of course).

According to the bookies and fan sites, the songs to look out for are Denmark, Norway, San Marino, Netherlands, Ukraine and Greece. I can't say I'm hoping they're right. Three are in my top 10, three are in my bottom 10. Three of them compete tonight.

Long after the pyros, sequins and dance routines are over, every contest's legacy is its songs. I don't really care which song has originality, or is true to its representative country. I judge each and every song the way I'd judge any song- does it do anything for me? Do I press repeat, or do I press skip? Do I sing or dance along, or hit the mute button?

Of course, it's more than a song contest, it's also a TV show, and most people tune in for the spectacle. Whilst I prefer to appreciate the effort each country makes, many will sneer and poke fun. Either way, with so many songs to get through, here's my annual cut-out-and-keep guide to indicate what's in store, and/or a reminder of which country was which.

N.B. These comments are different to those in my album review, which was a comment on the songs only.

16 songs will perform, 10 will go through. I added whether I wanted or thought they would, then updated afterwards whether or not they did.

01 Austria - Natália Kelly - Shine

A stompy, mid-tempo track sang by a young girl with long, curly dark hair. There's a slight early-Christina Aguilera vibe going on. She has a great voice, and performs confidently. Nothing wrong with the song- it's a fine way to open the competition, but there's not much happening on-stage and there is much better to come.

Memorable bit- It's the one that goes "You will shine, shine and fight the shadows in the sky".

Should qualify? Yes.

Will qualify? Yes.

Result: Out. Oops.

02 Estonia - Birgit - Et Uus Saaks Alguse

The first of many female-led ballads, and this is one of my personal favourites. To many, it'll be your typical bland Eurovision ballad, and it is lacking in a memorable hook. She'll be dressed in a long white (maternity) dress, which goes well with her long, straight hair. She doesn't do much, bar a bit of a walk in the second half. Well, she is pregnant, and singing a ballad, so cartwheels would be a bit of an ask.

Memorable bit- The acapella breakdown where she holds out a note before the obligatory key change.

Should qualify? Yes.

Will qualify? No.

Result: Through. Hurrah!

03 Slovenia - Hannah - Straight Into Love

Time to put those dancing shoes on. Wearing a tight, dark catsuit and featuring some male backing dancers throwing Diversity-style shapes, Hannah pushes her vocals to their limits in a catchy, if repetitive and screechy up-tempo number. Lots of electronic bass, and a sadly disappointing chorus.

Memorable bit- I love the backing dancers' choreography. The song's title should stick the melody in your head.

Should qualify? No.

Will qualify? Yes.

Result: Out. My father was very disappointed.

04 Croatia - Klapa s Mora - Mižerja

Eurovision goes opera! Basically Il Divo, but less pretty and with more of them. It's actually a very nice song, very well sung and should stand out. Whether or not the public vote for it however is another matter. Standing there looking bored during the instrumental break doesn't help matters.

Memorable bit- The opera guys.

Should qualify? Yes.

Will qualify? What the hell. Yes.

Result: Out. Having seen the performance properly, I can only agree.

05 Denmark - Emmelie de Forest - Only Teardrops

The hot favourite. It's Eurovision by the numbers- Celtic drums, tin whistles, pleas for world peace- but done very well. Catchy, rousing and sung by a pretty, barefoot girl.

Memorable bit- It's the one that goes "How many times can we win and lose? How many times can we break the rules? Between us, only teardrops."

Should qualify? Yes.

Will qualify? Yes.

Result: Through

06 Russia - Dina Garipova - What If

The other plea for world peace, but this one's a ballad, and far more insincere. Dina has a great voice, but has chosen to dress as an entry from 1973. For all the audacity of Russia begging us for world peace, it's still a decent song.

Memorable bit- It's the one that goes "What if we all open our arms?"

Should qualify? Yes.

Will qualify? Yes.

Result: Through

07 Ukraine - Zlata Ognevich - Gravity

Disney meets the West End as Nigella Lawson blasts her way effortlessly through a stunning mid-tempo ballad. Being carried onstage by a giant may raise titters more than create a sense of wonder, but the song is fabulous, and her voice is amazing.

Memorable bit- It's the fairytale one.

Should qualify? Yes.

Will qualify? Yes.

Result: Through

08 The Netherlands - Anouk - Birds

A big fan favourite. Not this fan. Nails on a blackboard as a hideously jazzy, depressing ballad is warbled over by a woman who looks far too pleased with herself. No thanks.

Memorable bit- It's the stupid one that sings about why birds don't fly, and them falling down rooftops.

Should qualify? No.

Will qualify? Yes.

Result: Through. Ugh.

09 Montenegro - Who See - Igranka

Eurovision does dubstep! Fo' reals. Think DJ Fresh's "Louder" and you'll be in the ballpark. Part of me wants this to qualify, as it's without doubt the most contemporary, relevant song in this year's competition. Unfortunately, that does mean it's basically hideous noise. And they've chosen to dress as spacemen, so there goes the credibility.

Memorable bit- It's the noisy rap one.

Should qualify? No.

Will qualify? No.

Result: Out

10 Lithuania - Andrius Pojavis - Something

Ironically, this is missing... something. The guy's good-looking, but has no charisma, stage presence or performance. The song's fine while it's on, but instantly forgettable.

Memorable bit- There isn't one.

Should qualify? No.

Will qualify? No.

Result: Through. Wow.

11 Belarus - Alyona Lanskaya - Solayoh

The only ethnic-pop song in this semi, it should stand out with its poppy, Eastern vibe. A lot of fans are writing this off, but I'm not so sure. It certainly stands out in this selection of songs. And she steps out of a glitter ball. What more could you ask?

Memorable bit- It's the one that goes "to the rhythm of a... Cha cha!"

Should qualify? Yes.

Will qualify? Yes.

Result: Through

12 Moldova - Aliona Moon - O Mie

Another female-led ballad, sung in language by a pretty brunette. Inoffensively sweet, but likely to be forgotten- except for her cinema-screen costume.

Memorable bit- The amazing technicolor dress.

Should qualify? Yes.

Will qualify? Yes.

Result: Through

13 Ireland - Ryan Dolan - Only Love Survives

Back to good old-fashioned techno-Europop, complete of two shirtless, tattooed male drummers/dancers. The song is almost irrelevant, but it's perfectly fine, although the chorus does tend to go a bit too long.

Memorable bit- The one that goes "so be love..." over and over.

Should qualify? Yes.

Will qualify? Yes.

Result: Through

14 Cyprus - Despina Olympiou - An Me Thimasai

A simple, subtle performance, for a simple, subtle song. Another ballad sang in language by a brunette female, but this one is more mature, and eschews any gimmicks. And is all the duller for it.

Memorable bit- The "ah-ah-ah-ah-ah" bit after she sings the title.

Should qualify? No.

Will qualify? No.

Result: Out

15 Belgium - Roberto Bellarosa - Love Kills

Pure Europop, and one of my favourites. Introduced to the fans via a live performance that was hideously off-key, this one was written off early. But the song is very catchy, and well-produced. Its success may depend on how well it's performed on the night. Hopefully he can eke out some charisma. Thankfully the ill-advised key change has gone, so fingers crossed.

Memorable bit- It's the one that goes "love kills, over and over."

Should qualify? Yes.

Will qualify? No.

Result: Through. Yay!

16 Serbia - Moje 3 - Ljubav Je Svuda

Three girls dressed as cupcakes act the song out, as if they're singing "Chiquitita" from "Mamma Mia". Unfortunately, the song is not even close to fABBAlous, and just gets screechier and screechier.

Memorable bit- Those hideous cupcake-like costumes.

Should qualify? No.

Will qualify? No.

Result: Out

In summary, it's goodbye to Austria, Slovenia, Croatia, Montenegro (Scott Mills read out my tweet!), Cyprus and Serbia.

Post Script:

Well, as always, hearing the songs over and over, as well as watching rehearsal videos is no match for the real thing. As soon as I thought my list of favourites was set in stone, the live performances change everything. Well, almost.

Austria, Croatia, Belarus, Cyprus and even Montenegro all performed much worse than I was expecting. Of those, the biggest disappointments were Croatia and Belarus- and only Belarus made it through.

The remaining female ballads all performed as expected, including Anouk and her dirge. Serbia were surprisingly tolerable- let down by their hideous costumes, and Lithuania shocked everybody by qualifying- for the second year in a row. And an honourable mention to Slovenia for some fantastic choreography and impressive vocals.

Only one act truly exceeded my expectations, and that was Ireland's Ryan Dolan. His vocals were incredible, the performance had palpable energy, and his song has definitely climbed a few places in my list.

A quick scan through Thursday's songs is already getting me excited all over again.

See you in two days' time...