Eurovision 2013 - Semi-Final 2 - Preview (Updated with Post-show reaction)

Thursday May 16th, 2013 BBC3

1. Latvia - PeR - Here We Go

A good choice of show opener, this is a lively, singalong pop/rap number with a bit of stage-diving thrown in for good measure. It'll certainly stand out, but rap will inherently alienate a large section of the audience, although nowhere near as much as Montenegro's entry did.

Memorable bit- The rap one.

Should qualify? No.

Will qualify? No.

Result: Out.

2. San Marino - Valentina Monetta - Crisalide (Vola)

Another big fan favourite. Whilst this one isn't as lost on me as The Netherlands's dirge, I'm still at a bit of a loss at what makes this quite so wonderful. It's certainly better than her entry last year, The Social Network Song. Beginning as a nice, orchestral ballad, she and the song both transform in the final third (like a chrysalis, see what they did there?) as the energy kicks in for a rousing climax.

Memorable bit- The girl with the glowing ball.

Should qualify? Yes.

Will qualify? Yes.

Result: Out. A shock!

3. (FYR) Macedonia - Esma & Lozano - Pred Da Se Razdeni

It's time for the UK to laugh at the foreigners. Another song that begins as a ballad, then transforms into something more up-tempo, this one begins with more promise, but then throws it all away. It's basically two incongruous songs joined together, until they uncomfortably overlap at the end. Lozano's ballad bit is rather lovely, and his vocals are great. Then we get belly-dancing legend Esma who doesn't so much sprinkle her Eastern promise on the track, as gush it out like an incontinent granny. A train wreck.

Memorable bit- The schizophrenic one.

Should qualify? No.

Will qualify? No.

Result: Out. Of course.

4. Azerbaijan - Farid Mammadov - Hold Me

Azerbaijan have found a formula and are sticking to it. We have another catchy ballad, this time a solo male vocal, and some impressive staging. Farid stands atop a glass box which contains a male dancer that mimics his moves in silhouette.

Memorable bit- The man in the box.

Should qualify? Yes.

Will qualify? Yes.

Result: Through.

5. Finland - Krista Siegfrids - Marry Me

Eurovision at its cheesiest, a girl in a wedding dress sings a bouncy, catchy, singalong, up-tempo pop song that is going to irritate the hell out of a lot of people, but I'm more than happy to join in the fun. Plus she manages to get away with something that definitely wouldn't have been allowed a few years ago. Gotta love the Scandinavians. ;-)

Memorable bit- Ding Dong!

Should qualify? Yes.

Will qualify? Yes.

Result: Through! Yay!

6. Malta - Gianluca - Tomorrow

Falling somewhere between Jack Johnson and Jason Mraz, this fun, ukulele-based track is sweetness personified. Love the playful lyric video in the background too.

Memorable bit- The ukulele one.

Should qualify? Yes.

Will qualify? Yes.

Result: Through. Very happy about that!

7. Bulgaria - Elitsa Todorova & Stoyan Yankulov - Samo Shampioni

Irritating as hell, but you'll be singing along very quickly.

Memorable bit- Drumming. Lots of drumming.

Should qualify? No.

Will qualify? No.

Result: Out. Phew.

8. Iceland - Eythor Ingi Gunnlaugsson - Ég Á Líf

A surprisingly formulaic, drippy ballad for Iceland that sounds like you've definitely heard it before. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing, but it makes for a very very anonymous song.

Memorable bit- Jesus Christ Superstar.

Should qualify? Yes.

Will qualify? Yes.

Result: Through.

9. Greece - Koza Mostra & Agathonas Iakovidis - Alcohol Is Free

Deep sigh. One of those songs you only really hear at Eurovision, but to my ears that's a bad thing. I kind of get the appeal, but it's not my bag, baby. Opening with an unmistakably Greek sound, it soon veers into a vibe remisinscent of early '80s two-tone/ska. The chorus, sung in English, will surely become an anthem to UK viewers, whom I guarantee will score it well. Though not this UK viewer.

Memorable bit- The unmistakably Greek one.

Should qualify? No.

Will qualify? Yes.

Result: Through. Hmph.

10. Israel - Moran Mazor - Rak Bashvilo

Another of the more anonymous ballads, the only distinctive thing about it is that the woman wears glasses. But it's far from a bad song, quite the contrary.

Memorable bit- The woman with the glasses.

Should qualify? Yes.

Will qualify? Yes.

Result: Out.

11. Armenia - Dorians - Lonely Planet

The song written by Black Sabbath's Tommy Iommi, is surprisingly insipid, given its rock heritage. Lead singer Gor's vocals are an odd mixture of weak and powerful, in that he has quite a range, and yet his voice is a bit feeble.

Memorable bit- The Tommy Iommi song.

Should qualify? No.

Will qualify? No.

Result: Through. Wow.

12. Hungary - ByeAlex - Kedvesem

Another sweet, semi-acoustic song that's a real grower. Unfortunately, this is Eurovision, so you have three minutes and that's it. Even more unfortunately, the singer has a horribly gruff voice. And as if that's not enough, he has zero stage presence too. I'm hoping that the song itself manages to shine through.

Memorable bit- The one with the cartoon background.

Should qualify? Yes.

Will qualify? Yes.

Result: Through.

13. Norway - Margaret Berger - I Feed You My Love

Musically, this is not a million miles away from Slovenia's entry (which failed to qualify on Tuesday), with its in-your-face buzzy, bassy electronic production. However, as a song it's far more successful, as the chorus is far more melodic and memorable. Let's just assume the weird lyrics got lost in translation.

Memorable bit- The buzzy, bassy pop number.

Should qualify? Yes.

Will qualify? Yes.

Result: Through.

14. Albania - Adrian Lulgjuraj & Bledar Sejko

Europe, are you ready to rock? This well-produced rock number is sung in language, and the sometimes gruff, sometimes strained vocals take some getting used to. But it has a killer chorus and catchy, jangly musical refrain. And a big guitar solo. With fireworks.

Memorable bit- The big rock number.

Should qualify? Yes.

Will qualify? No.

Result: Out.

15. Georgia - Nodi Tatishvili & Sophie Gelovani - Waterfall

When it comes to typical Eurovision songs that I love, this is my bag, baby. A male/female ballad duet sang in perfect harmony with almost mechanical perfection. Includes the obligatory key change at just the right time, cue "waterfall" of fireworks- see what they did there? Gorgeous.

Memorable bit- The firework waterfall.

Should qualify? Yes.

Will qualify? Yes.

Result: Through. Hurrah!

16. Switzerland - Takasa - You And Me

Performed by The Salvation Army, or Heilsarmee as they're known in Switzerland, they were deemed to political, and forced to change their name and uniforms. Which is kind of appropriate, given that the song is a "they're all against us but we have each other and they won't get us down" theme. Given that one band member is 95 years old, it's a surprisingly rocky affair (though in a poppy way) and ridiculously catchy. On record, it's irresistible, and one of my favourites. Live... not so much.

Memorable bit- The Salvation Army.

Should qualify? Yes.

Will qualify? No.

Result: Out. Oh well.

17. Romania - Cezar - It's My Life

Talk about ending with a bang. Oh dear. This is a thumping dance-pop track with a very electronic production. So, naturally, they've chosen an operatic male soprano to sing it. Apparently, he's very good and is known as "The Voice". However, on this evidence, he is no Russell Watson. This song seems only to prove that he can't sing. Across three octaves. Even the sincerity of its delivery and OTT staging cannot disguise that this is a complete car crash.

Memorable bit- The male soprano.

Should qualify? No.

Will qualify? No.

Result: Through. FFS.

Post Mortem.

So it's goodbye to Latvia, San Marino, Macedonia, Bulgaria, Israel, Albania and Switzerland.

My Most Improved Song goes to Malta. Well done, Gianluca!

I'm surprisingly disappointed for San Marino, even though I'm not a fan. She certainly sold the song way better than I expected.

Farid Mammadov's vocals for Azerbaijan were better live than on the CD! Ditto Gor for Armenia. And, to a certain extent, Cezar for Romania.

Massive props to Finland for Eurovision's first ever gay kiss! #TeamDingDong

Eythor commanded the stage well for Iceland, earning their qualification. Ditto ByeAlex for Hungary.

Even the horrid Greece song was performed fantastically well.

Armenia did well, I'm quite disappointed they missed out. Latvia, Israel and half of Macedonia can hold their heads high too.

There were a few bum notes towards the end for Georgia, bit otherwise a splendid performance. Ditto Margaret for Norway.

Bulgaria were even worse than I was expecting. Nil points. Ditto the other half of Macedonia.

Roll on Saturday! Go Bonnie!