The X Factor UK 2011 - Live Show 4 - Halloween week

Some major shake-ups this week. Ish.

Kelly Rowland is "sick" (as in "ill", as in "poorly", not street for "good"), so has been replaced by 2008 winner Alexandra Burke. Kelly is NOT, I repeat NOT stropping after her run-in with Tulisa last week over Misha B. Honest, guv.

Rhythmix have backed down over the charity name clash debacle and renamed themselves Little Mix. So the "Nirvana For Xmas Number One" Facebook campaign has been somewhat scuppered as their thinly-disguised altruistic excuse has now been reversed. Besides, the winner's single will be released a week early this year, so it's all fair game.

One of The Risk has left. Fortunately, it's the shit one I've complained about before. He's been replaced by the familiar, funny-looking one from that other band that left on week one. Fame, eh?

It's time... to face... the music!

TEAM TULISA
The Risk - Thriller (Michael Jackson)
Firstly, I noticed that the group were audibly harmonising whilst only one of them had a mic to their face. And this happened more than once. If they have backing singers, we should see them. Surely the point of a group such as this IS to harmonise? If it's not just those four guys who we're hearing sing, we need to know about it, otherwise it's all a bit disingenuous. As for the performance itself, it was all nicely staged, but the guys didn't actually put much performing in, and the vocals were their worst so far. They should be WAY better than this by now.

TEAM LOUIS
Johnny - That Ole Devil Called Love (Billie Holliday)
I did not expect that from Johnny- what a voice! You go girl! He just stood there by a piano and sang. Well. VERY well. Pretty flawlessly, in fact. Getting to hear his voice like this not only shows he's a worthy contender (other than "the fun factor"- yawn), but there's a unique, playful tone to his voice.

TEAM KELLY/ALEXANDRA
Sophie - Bang Bang (Cher/Nancy Sinatra)
I constantly accuse Sophie of sucking the life out of songs. This time, I could say she simply chose the more lifeless version to cover, but that is unfair on Nancy Sinatra. Whereas Johnny managed to be completely captivating by just standing there and singing, Sophie failed, her expression somewhere between vacant and stage school. I didn't believe or feel a single word (other than a few hackles). She's clearly this year's Rebekah Ferguson- the one with the horrid voice that everybody else tells me can sing. "That awful sound". Indeed.

TEAM GARY
Marcus - Superstition/Need You Tonight (Stevie Wonder/INXS)
Loving the monster mash-up. Those songs fit together amazingly well. Marcus is giving confident, assured stage performances that feel natural without ever having to compromise his voice. He demonstrates a physical and vocal musicality that you just can't teach, and demonstrating a hugely impressive vocal range without forcing or overdoing it. He's out-peforming most of the professionals they've had on that stage, and yet still has some work to do. He should go a very long way in this competition. As long as he doesn't speak.

TEAM KELLY/ALEXANDRA
Misha B - Tainted Love (Gloria Jones/Soft Cell)
Opting for the more retro original version over the Soft Cell version, she threw in a rap break to modernise it a bit, but there was something missing from her performance tonight, for me. There's no denying she has a fantastic voice, but it was at times I found it a bit sharp in a way I didn't enjoy. Rather than seeing this fierce diva attitude everyone's raving about, she seems to be disappearing into herself, and her performance is starting to suffer for it. But then that's not surprising after the shit she's been given from Tulisa and Louis.

TEAM KELLY/ALEXANDRA
Janet - Every Breath You Take (The Police)
Started excruciatingly badly, and the moments of improvement were few and far between. An interesting take on the more stalkery aspects of the song, and she looked great. But ouch. Not only her worst performance, but easily the worst performance on the show at all by ANYONE so far. Dreadful.

TEAM GARY
Frankie Cocozza - Should I Stay Or Should I Go? (The Clash)
Go.

TEAM LOUIS
Kitty - Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) (Eurythmics/Marilyn Manson)
I don't know why they felt the need to add the flange effect to Kitty's voice for the intro. Yes, it added a spookier element, but did they learn nothing from the auto-tune debacle last year? Kitty has a decent voice, and used it to full effect here. It did rely a bit too heavily on shouting, but even then you could hear the vibrato, and it was on-key. She didn't deserve to be in the bottom two last week, and doesn't this week.

TEAM TULISA
Little Mix (formerly Rhythmix) - E.T. (Katy Perry)
Great performance to watch, the girls stayed in character very well as demented dolls. Unfortunately, they hadn't tweaked the song in any way, so their performance was almost copycat karaoke vocally- albeit a very good vocal. I'm not quite as blown away as others are, as I think their harmonies still need a LOT of work, but it was far from dreadful and their individual voices are great. They just need to learn to mix them properly.

TEAM GARY
Craig - Set Fire To The Rain (Adele)
I know they've been stretching the Halloween theme this week, but seriously??? WTF does this song have to do with Halloween, especially when sung by a guy dressed in a Paddington Bear coat? As always, his vocals were very good, and, as always, the whole thing was very bland. He's becoming predictable, and increasingly irritating for it. But I couldn't fault it either.

RESULTS SHOW
Bottom two: Sophie & Misha B!

TEAM KELLY
Sophie Habibis - Shelter (The XX)
Sophie squawks her way tunelessly through another lifeless song. Millions are allegedly moved, I'm grimacing in pain and bewilderment.

Misha B - Use Somebody (Kings of Leon)
Breaking down on the final note, Misha gives a heartfelt plea, singing perfectly. What a contrast in performers.

Fortunately, all four judges (including a croaky Kelly Rowland, via telephone) choose to eliminate Sophie.

Just Janet and Frankie to go, and then the competition can truly begin...

The X Factor USA - Live Show 1

17 acts, 5 must go. One from each team, plus a further one from Team Simon.

TEAM LA REID
1. Astro - Jump (Kris Kross)
Obnoxious little teenage rapper kid. He did it competently, but... whatever. The judges chose to find him charming and talented. Me, not so much.

2. Chris Rene - Love Don't Live Here Anymore (Rose Royce)
He's the rehab one. More rapping, but with added vocals that are stretched to breaking point. It was a nicely funked-up arrangement that almost made it sound current, but hasn't set my world alight.

3. Phillip Lomax - I'm A Believer (The Monkees)
He's the Bublé-esque crooner that looks like Noel out of off of Hear'say. Worst. Song. Choice. EVER! Get a crooner to sing a rowdy, shouty, jaunty song? There's out of your comfort zone, and then there's downright sabotage. WTF was LA thinking? Phillip did the best with what he was given but it's becoming increasingly obvious that LA Reid is shaping up to be the Louis Walsh of the US version. And yet, Phillip is easily the best so far.

4. Marcus Canty - Do You Really Want To Hurt Me? (Culture Club)
Well, that settles it. LA IS Louis Walsh. Marcus comes across very Jason Derülo, with the musical production to match. Unfortunately, his rather decent stage performance did affect the vocals, but no worse than Derülo himself.

And it's judgement time already... LA saves Astro, Marcus and Chris. Meaning Phillip, the best vocalist in LA's category, is sent home. Also, notably, the only non-urban act. COUGH onetrickpony COUGH.

TEAM PAULA ABDUL
5. The Stereo Hogzz - Try A Little Tenderness (Otis Redding)
Well, they tried a little tenderness with the Boyz II Men opening, but clearly decided tenderness wasn't for them as they launched into a shouty, breathy rap break before going all Diversity on us with a dance break and then ending with a Motown beat. I think it's safe to say "they made it their own". I'm still not sure if that's a good thing, but they certainly put on a show and at times, the harmonies sounded great.

6. The Brewer Boys - Rich Girl/Faith (Hall & Oates/George Michael)
An acoustic opener becomes a hand-clappy singalong before going all hoedown with a countryish end. I'm starting to notice a trend in Paula's mentoring. Their vocals were decent but it was a little bit too Good, Clean All-American for my liking.

7. Intensity - The Clapping Song/Footloose (Shirley Ellis/Kenny Loggins)
The 10-strong group is made up from youthful solo rejects, and as mash-ups go it wasn't bad, in a Glee kind of way. However, some of the soloists should stick to harmonies. Footloose. That's so hot right now. At least this one found a style and stuck to it.

8. Lakoda Rayne - Come On Eileen (Dexy's Midnight Runners)
Made up of four female rejects (apparently us boys going to want to date them... erm, no...), this started off with the ballad fake-out before going all bootscootin' country- but it in a way that worked far better for the song. Some of the harmonies in the vocals sounded pre-recorded, which I hope is a compliment.

Judgement time again. Paula has a far stronger category, and a tougher decision. She saves Stereo Hogzz, Lakoda Rayne and Intensity. So The Brewer Boys, the rather bland but sweet duo go home. Fair play.

TEAM NICOLE SCHERZINGER
9. Dexter Haygood - Womanizer/I Kissed A Girl (Britney Spears/Katy Perry)
He's the mentally ill homeless or something James Brown ish bloke with the moves like Jagger and screams like Steve Tyler, dressed like Adam Ant. About as close to a car crash as this series is likely to get. A shouty, nonsensical mash-up that certainly had impact- but let's face it, anything good about it had nothing to do with Dexter. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the US Wagner. No, I'm giving him. Take him. Away. Please.

10. Leroy Bell - Nobody Knows (P!nk)
It's odd how one of P!nk's least successful (and least known) songs has gone onto have a new life a vocalist showcase on shows such as this. His smoky vocals were very much up to it, and actually suited the song in a Michael Bolton rock ballad kind of way, but there is a reason it wasn't a big hit.

11. Stacey Francis - One More Try (George Michael)
Phenomenal vocals from one of the audition favourites, as she launched into a respectfully gospel-tinged version of a great, but rather dull song. Yes, it did get a little bit screechy but in a forgivable way, injecting a bit of life into the song.

12. Josh Krajick - Forever Young (Bob Dylan)
Nicely stripped down, the big burly guy showcased his bigger burlier voice.

Judgement time #3. Nicole saves Stacey, Josh and Leroy. Wagner- sorry, Dexter- goes home. Phew.

TEAM SIMON COWELL
13. Simone Battle - Just Be Good To Me (The SOS Band)
Girl got confidence fo' sho'. Unfortunately she doesn't have the talent to back it up. I loved the funky production, but her vocals were probably the weakest so far tonight.

14. Rachel Crow - Baby Love/Baby (The Supremes/Justin Bieber)
The adorably precocious little afroed girl. I'm assuming. Irritating little turd, I thought. Horses for courses, I guess. Speaking of which, why Simon decided to dress a 13-year-old in tweed, I cannot imagine. Again, the vocals were just not up to scratch. If she'd waited until she was about 16 she might have had a better shot. But the judges see and hear something I don't, so she needn't worry too much.

15. Drew - Flashdance... What A Feeling (Irene Cara)
In X Factor UK we saw Sophie Habibis reduce a vibrant song about teenage verve into the dreariest of ballads. Here, Drew does the same thing; take a song that celebrates life and dance, then transform it into a dirge. I found her squeaky Janet Devlin voice rather horrid too. Not for me. Wow, and I thought LA's team was bad... And look who's next.

16. Thia Tolliver - Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) (Eurythmics)
This was the girl who originally only had two yeses before Simon strong-armed her through, despite her being shit (or "pitchy"). The ballad fake-out became a quite interesting goth opera choral arrangement. But she. Can't. Fucking. SING.

17. Melanie Amaro - I Have Nothing (Whitney Houston)
The one Simon turned down, despite clearly winning the whole series in her audition performance of Beyoncé's Listen. So, naturally, she sticks out in Simon's category like a sore thumb as the one with the best voice. He's clearly doing his best to sabotage her voice by giving her a big, dramatic, Bond-esque ballad and giving it a bland RnB karaoke production. Fortunately, her vocals were better than that. I can't believe she's only 19!

Fourth and final judgement time. Simon sends through Drew (apparently SHE's the no-brainer), Rachel (because that's "what America wants") and Melanie (TF for that). Thia is, surprisingly, likeably gracious in defeat. Simone, however, plugs her new single. Sounds like someone hasn't read their X Factor contract.

So there you go. What a massive disappointment. I guarantee next week will be better, though. (Please.)

The X Factor 2011 (update/preview)

Yep, it's back, so so am I! Well, nearly.

I've been waiting for the live shows with properly full performances to review, and they've finally started. Not only that, but we'll have the US X Factor starting their live shows in less than two weeks' time, and I'm hoping to review them too. And once that's all over we'll see the return of American Idol and (hopefully) the launch of The Voice UK, so hopefully there'll be plenty for me to write about.

As for now, I've just watched the rather underwhelming first round of the UK live shows. There's no public vote, as the judges each vote one of their own acts out of the competition tomorrow night. This will all have been and gone by the time I post my reviews, but my thoughts are already on Twitter (@shriggles) if you can't wait that long...!

Watch this space, hopefully I'll have posted something before the second round, next Saturday.

(c) SRW 2011. All opinions are mine. If you like what you read, all the better; if not, other opinions are available.

American Idol 2011 - Final

Okay, so it's the all-country final, and it doesn't get more all-country than Scotty McReary (sic). He's going to win. I'm not saying I want him to win- I don't- or that I know he has- I'm writing this as I watch, and have avoided spoilers. However, they're giving Lauren Alaina a fair shot by bringing out the sob stories that Lauren's hurt her vocal chords but will soldier on. I'm sure it's true, but if she's okay, why are we hearing about it? Anything that gives Lauren an edge over Scrotty (sic) is fine by me.

ROUND ONE: Contestants' favourite past performance.
1. Scotty - Gone (Mongonery Gentry).
Credit where it's due, Scotty has actually come a long way. That was a confident, professional performance with a perfect vocal and a perfectly-pitched song choice. It's a shame he's so odious to watch. The smug smirk, wonky mic thing, winks to camera... He looks in the mirror and sees Justin Timberlake, doesn't he? Unfortunately I see Curious George.

2. Lauren - Flat on the Floor (Carrie Underwood).
Ah, THAT's why they mentioned the voice thing. Clearly stretched to her absolute limit, Lauren gave it her all, but her actual voice had other ideas. At times, the vocal cracks added a nice texture to her voice, but it's clearly not what she was aiming for. Like Scotty, she performed it well and, whilst the signs of struggle have appeared, she wasn't as out-of-breath as she was the first time she sang this.

Round one: Scotty. Damnit.

ROUND TWO: Idols' choices.
1. Scotty (chosen by George Strait) - Check Yes Or No (George Strait).
Yeah, it was alright. Whatever. I have no criticism, but won't be buying it.

2. Lauren (chosen by Carrie Underwood) - Maybe It Was Memphis (Pam Tillis).
Not the most exciting song in the world, but a great choice as a showcase for Lauren's voice, as it sounded gorgeous.

Round two: Lauren.

Randy & JLo agree with my verdicts, Lauren seems adorably excited. Scotty doesn't appear to be aware of Lauren. Steven gives both rounds to Lauren "because she's prettier". He's the judge added to the panel to give it musical credibility, right?

ROUND THREE: Winners' (potential) singles.
1. Scotty - I Love You This Big.
I only need the title to know this sing choice is perfect for Scotty. Not only does it sound mawkishly sentimental in a way that Scotty could deliver with sincerity, but is also grammatically incorrect.
He put his arms outstretched sideways when he sang "this big"! Who saw THAT coming? Fortunately, the song was dull as hell, even by my bland-loving standards. (And yet, I suspect I might like it with someone else's interpretation.) He went a bit off on the key change, and I cannot see how ANYONE, especially Randy, could have been impressed by that last note. Surprisingly, Scotty wasn't up to his usual blandly competent standard on that song, and I actually got the impression he hated it, à la Taylor Hicks.

2. Lauren - Like My Mother Does.
At least they didn't go for the word "Momma". The intro was spoiled a little by the out-of-tune ukulele player, but compensated by raking up the sentimental factor as Lauren walked off-stage to sing to her mother. Utterly shameless, and I fell for it hook, line and sinker. Kudos to Lauren for not breaking down and delivering an astonishing vocal throughout. It was genuinely emotional, and someone on American Idol 2011 has finally (FINALLY!) had that "moment". Fantastic.

Round three: As Steven put it, "Lauren gets it, hands-down". Randy agrees, JLo bottles it with a non-committal "tight race".

The performance show ends with Season 7 winner David Cook, about whom we'd all forgotten, giving us his version of "Don't You Forget About Me". He does a decent job, but I'm more amused by the knowledge that David Archuleta (the smug-faced little turd that Cook defeated) is in the audience.

Results Show


That is NOT a flattering look on Lauren.

We kick things off with the top 24 giving a suitably tuneless version of Born This Way. Stefano does his best to hog the camera, reminding us why he was voted out. Ashthon looked unrecognisable thanks to an attack of the hair straighteners, whilst Casey Goon looked so out of place in the background, bless him.

This is followed by James Durbin joining Judas Priest on a medley of their songs (I'm assuming) and, frankly, made their lead singer look (and sound) like the amateur. Still didn't do much for me though. Cue plug for their tour.

Comedy VT time! First up, Randy The Veteran. Basically he asks "what kind of show is this" and says "in it to win it" a lot.

Just in case the all-country final didn't make it abundantly clear, Americans have a tendency to love Jesus. And I mean like REALLY love Jesus. But in case you missed it, here's Jacob and "gospel star" Kirk Franklin, singing "I Smile". I love how they chose to represent "the church" with the biggest screaming queen ever seen on the Idol stage (yes I do remember Adam Lambert, and he was macho compared to Jacob). Gladys Knight suddenly wanders onto stage unannounced, yet nobody seems surprised. It's like it was planned or something. Cue plug for her Vegas show.

Casey sings/growls his way through Fat Bottom Girls with Jack Black. I'm sure they had fun and it made me smile, but more so as I turned the volume down. I guess Seth Roegen was busy. Cue plug for Kung Fu Panda 2.

The top 6 eliminated girls perform a Beyoncé medley. The stand-out "cover your ears" moments tended to come from Haley's solos. Yep, the one that nearly made the final. The harmonies were horrific. As expected, Pia's vocals stood out, unfortunately during the horrific Deja Vu. Just bring her out already... Ah, here she comes. She opts to demonstrate her dancing skills over her vocal ones, but whatever.

Comedy VT time! Second up, Steven The Loose Cannon. By which they mean he swears a lot and pervs a lot.

Haley joins Tony Bennett for a hideous jazz Stepping Out. Time to make a cuppa. Actually, Haley never sounded better. Cue plug for his new album.

Comedy VT time! Jennifer The Most Beautiful Woman in the World. By which they mean loads of contestants tell her they grew up fancying her. Must be rewarding to know your only contribution to a judging panel Is looking good.

TLC (the L being Lil' John) perform a hit medley. T-Boz sounded like she was lip-synching (which would be a huge compliment if she wasn't), and I'm not sure I've ever heard Chili anyway. Some of the girl rejects pop up to provide more dreadful harmonies.

Scotty joins Tim McGraw for Live Like You're Dying (no, not previous Idol winner Kris Allen's song). It basically sounds like every other song Scotty did, though Tim certainly out-sung Scotty. Unfortunately the voting lines are now closed.

Comedy VT time! It's the shit contestant compilation. It's funny cos they think theyre people. Cue bad singing, injuries, crying, tantrums and the greatest moment of the series- a guy back-flipping onto a cameraman (and his camera).

Marc Anthony (JLo's husband) performs what sounds like a Latin opera over the instrumental of Copacabana. Time for another cuppa. Oh, hang on... JLo's not sitting at the judges' table. How odd, you think she'd be there cheering on her hubby. Oh, silly me- she's just appeared on stage! Did NOT see THAT coming. Fortunately, she goes nowhere near a mic and decided to wiggle her substantial booty instead. I'm sure for many THAT was the series highlight.

Comedy VT time! The rejects discuss being rejected, particularly Casey and James, before wheeling out Pia wearing a sash identifying her as most shocking elimination. Fair play.

The top 6 rejected boys perform a pretty decent Tom Jones medley (up to "What's New Pussycat?" anyway) and the Welshman joins them for "It's Not Unusual". Wisely, he doesn't do the hip-swivel thing.

Interesting bit here, as I'm watching the US version, and there is now a load of Ford product placement. We usually see the music videos, but they haven't made it into the UK shows this year- which is a shame, as this week's music video features a compilation of past videos, and they look pretty spectacular. So this paragraph will not apply to UK viewers. Cue VT of Ford donating loads of cash to the schools of the finalists, with their favourite teachers getting invites to the show where they're each presented with a "brand New Ford Focus", and the finalists themselves get the Ford vehicle of their choice. We don't know what they'll choose, but my guess is Scotty gets a pick-up truck, and Lauren opts for a Ka.

Lady Gaga brings a cliff on stage for Edge of Glory (see what she did there?) whilst wearing a beaded curtain on her head. She presently whips it off to reveal the obligatory Gaga black-and-sparkles bikini underneath and then writhes with a shirtless hottie before they jump off said cliff. Lady knows how to put on a show, I'll give her that!

Lauren launches into "Before He Cheats", so since we all know where it's going, they cut to the chase and wheel in season four winner Carrie Underwood for the first chorus. Lauren does a decent job of holding her own, but I have a big soft spot for Carrie Underwood, and, despite a very generous "look at Lauren, not me" performance, Carrie still manages to outshine her.

Comedy VT time! The rejects discuss the humiliation of being beaten by a couple of schoolchildren.

Beyoncé returns to perform "her new single", "1+1". Yes, the sooner we forget the travesty to music that was her new single, "Run The World (Girls)", the better. The song may repeat the line "make love to me", but surely I misheard her when it sounded like she sang "I don't know much about cunt"? Oh, "guns". Quite a boring song, and an indulgent vocal performance almost worthy of Stefano- except that you could at least tell she was listening to what she was singing.

We then get a mahoosive plug for the massively-derided Spider-Man musical as Reeve Carney (me neither) is joined by composers Bono & The Edge to perform "Rise Above". Some great Spidey acrobatics, but the song's pretty useless. And was it just me or did the riff on the intro sound like Adam Buxton's "Quantum
Of Solace" spoof?

And now the big surprise... Steven Tyler performs "Dream On". Er... the only surprise is that it's taken all season to get him on stage, and that's even with a new single to plug. Unless Eminem's going to join him for "Sing For The Moment"? Nope, that's it.

"Dim the lights, here we go!"

And the winner is...

Scotty. Told ya. Goddamnit.

Needless to say, he thanked "The Lord first", launched into his horrid single, then proceeded to hug the entire front row, one by one, before treating the other contestants to the same, whilst trying- and failing- to sing.

One final thing... I really don't recommend trying to eat falling confetti. Have these people never seen Britain's Got The Pop Factor And Possibly A New Jesus Christ Soapstar Superstar Strictly On Ice?