Eurovision Song Contest 2016 Stockholm - Semifinal 2 - Preview, updated with results

Eurovision Song Contest 2016 Stockholm - Semi-final 2

BBC4, 8pm Thursday May 12th

 

If you missed Tuesday’s first semi, you missed an absolute treat, especially the visual wonders of Iceland and the cringefest of San Marino, both amongst the nine songs that are now out of competition. However, for my fellow UK viewers, tonight’s is the better one to watch as not only are the songs better, but tonight the UK can vote on the result, whereas we couldn’t on Tuesday.

 

Latvia - Justs - Heartbeat

Last year's Latvian entry, Aminata, came top 5 so she returns this year as a songwriter and gives us another electronic-infused song, but this one is an up-tempo stomper and a real fan favourite. I'm not quite as excited about it, but its uniquely bassy production certainly makes it stand out.

Visuals: The guy in the leather jacket.

Song hook: Feeling your heartbeat, that's what I want, that's what I need...

Should qualify: No

Will qualify: Yes

Result: Through.

 

Poland - Michal Szpak - Color of Your Life

Yes, they've adopted the US spelling but let's not hold it against them. Michal's androgynous goth style and long hair match the song's 1980s stadium-rock power ballad.

Visuals: The guy with the long 80s hair.

Song hook: Oh-oh-oh-oh, tell me black or white, what colour is your life...?

Should qualify: Yes

Will qualify: Yes

Result: Through.

 

Switzerland - Rykka - The Last of Our Kind

A mid-tempo pop ballad, this one sounds pretty decent on the album, but Rykka's live vocals are hit-and-miss; the beginning in particular is frequently rough. She’s constantly experimenting with her look, and appears to have abandoned the Marilyn Monroe look in favour of a good old blue rinse. Her bizarre dancing will no doubt swamp Twitter with comments about her needing a pee or video clips superimposing fart noises.

Visuals: The (literally) smoking girl with the blue rinse

Song hook: We're the last of our kind...

Should qualify: Yes

Will qualify: No

Result: Out.

 

Israel - Hovi Star - Made of Stars

A big, dramatic power ballad, this one comes from a fabulously flamboyant guy with a big voice and even bigger personality. The song falls somewhere in the middle for me, but I am expecting Hovi to SELL this song.

Visuals: The androgynous guy with the sparkles and the dancers in the spinning hoop.

Song hook: We are made of stars, silver fragments falling, we are made of stars...

Should qualify: The song isn't as strong as at least 10 others, but I'll be disappointed for Hovi if he doesn't qualify.

Will qualify: Yes

Result: Through.

Belarus - Ivan - Help You Fly

I can't help but feel this one has been vastly underappreciated. An '80s-inspired rock/synth mid-tempo ballad, this one builds nicely and the staging looks like it's going to be an impressive visual treat.

Visuals: He’s a singer! A drummer! A guitarist! And naked with a wolf…

Song hook: I will help you learn how to fly, how to fly...

Should qualify: Yes

Will qualify: No

Result: Out.

 

Serbia - Sanja Vucic/Zaa - Goodbye (Shelter)

Yet another dramatic ballad, this one tackles domestic abuse. Given that the fellow ethnic ballad from Bosnia & Herzegovina failed to qualify, this surely increases Serbia’s chances. Potentially powerful stuff, but I keep forgetting this song exists.

Visuals: The brunette in black leather, fighting off her male dancer.

Song hook: Every time you say goodbye, you try to hold me by your side...

Should qualify: No

Will qualify: Yes

Result: Through.

 

Ireland - Nicky Byrne - Sunlight

Nicky From Westlife (to give him his actual name) was rarely given lead vocal duty in the now-defunct boyband, but his surprisingly gruff vocals hold up competently on their own. He's ditched the key-change stool ballad in favour of an up-tempo rock/pop song that's pleasantly breezy and certainly won’t alienate his mighty fan base. However, Denmark (see later) and automatic qualifiers UK have similar songs, so it’s unlikely we will see all three on Saturday.

Visuals: It's Nicky from Westlife!

Song hook: Touch who you wanna, kiss who you gotta...

Should qualify: Yes

Will qualify: Yes

Result: Out.

 

FYR Macedonia - Kaliopi - Dona

A Eurovision veteran, and a seasoned pro, the hugely charismatic Kaliopi works best when performing live, and she will certainly sell the heck out of a song that is in fact a laughably repetitive ballad. She may get huge fan support, but I suspect the similar ballad from Serbia will win out.

Visuals: The middle-aged brunette in black

Song hook: Dona, Dona, Dona, Dona, Dona, Dona...

Should qualify: No

Will qualify: No

Result: Out.

 

Lithuania - Donny Montell - I've Been Waiting For This Night

A young Eurovision veteran, Donny surprised everyone in 2012 by taking the mediocre Love Is Blind though to the finals, thanks to his great voice and funky dance moves, including his memorable one-handed flip. Sadly, they're relying on that a bit too much this year and the far superior song actually makes far less of an impact. They've thrown in a trampet and some air jets for a different kind of flip, but the song deserves better.

Visuals: The curly-haired guy who somersaults

Song hook: I've been waiting for this night, I've been waiting for this night...

Should qualify: Yes

Will qualify: No

Result: Through. A pleasant surprise!

 

Australia - Dami Im - The Sound of Silence

A huge ballad from a girl with a huge voice, this one is about the disconnect between people caused by online social media. But the reference to "face time" doesn't mean Apple's "FaceTime". Honest. Yeah, right... That said, this is easily one of my favourites this year, and Dami's live vocals are outstanding.

Visuals: The Korean-Australian sitting on a box

Song hook: Now my heart awakes to the sound of silence, and it beats to the sound of silence...

Should qualify: Hell yes

Will qualify: Yes

Result: Through.

 

Slovenia - ManuElla - Blue & Red

An up-tempo country song, this one has a lot of potential but wastes it by repeating the word "allay" over and over.

Visuals: Taylor Swift and her swinging acrobat.

Song hook: Allay, allay, allay...

Should qualify: No

Will qualify: No

Result: Out.

Bulgaria - Poli Genova - If Love Was A Crime

The former rock chick from 2011's competition returns with a powerful electronic pop song that will grab you by the lapels and have you singing along, even in Bulgarian.

Visuals: The girl with the half-shaved head, virtual dancers and TV static backdrop.

Song hook: Oh, daimi lubvta, They will never bring us down

Should qualify: Yes

Will qualify: Yes

Result: Through.

 

Denmark - Lighthouse X - Soldiers of Love

Confusingly named Lighthouse TEN, this boyband trio stand by their illuminated mics and give us a decent, if bland pop-rock song. I love it but it's unlikely to stand out in a competition, and faces the musically-similar song from Ireland.

Visuals: The boyband made up of Robb Stark, Benedict Cumberbatch and David Tennant.

Song hook: Take my hand, and never let go...

Should qualify: Yes

Will qualify: No

Result: Out.

Ukraine - Jamala - 1944

A mostly-English song about the invasion of Crimea in 1944. Not, I repeat NOT 2014. This is definitely something unique this year. Lots of ethnic wailing that will certainly alienate a huge section of the audience, but the lyrics and story behind the song warrant Jamala's emotional performance. It's one of the hot favourites for the win, but even if it does, I can't imagine it charting anywhere.

Visuals: Wailing Melanie C

Song hook: Yasligima toyalmadim

Should qualify: Not based on the song. But if the live performance is as impressive as I hear, I’m happy to change my mind.

Will qualify: Yes

Result: Through. And yes, it was that impressive.

Norway - Agnete - Icebreaker

This one will certainly catch some attention as it sounds like two different songs joined together. The up-tempo verses build to a big, ballad chorus with a completely different BPM. Will it alienate or impress? I like both songs so will be rooting for it. However Agnete has been suffering health issues, so fingers crossed her vocals hold up for the massive chorus.

Visuals: Ice. Lots of ice.

Song hook: I'll be your icebreaker, when you're stuck in frozen water...

Should qualify: Yes

Will qualify: Yes

Result: Out. A big shock.

Georgia - Young Georgian Lolitas - Midnight Gold

A clearly Britpop-inspired indie band gives us one of the least “Eurovision” songs ever, with an alternative rock track that swells into EDM in the final third. It’s not especially catchy but should stand out as something very different, especially with the psychedelic visuals.

Visuals: The psychedelic Britpop-inspired band

Song hook: The guitar riffs are actually more memorable than any of the vocal lines.

Should qualify: No

Will qualify: No

Result: Through. A HUGE shock!

Albania - Eneda Tarifa - Fairytale

A distinctive RnB-tinged ballad with guitars and electronic drums. It’s pleasant enough, but there’s very little to say about this.

Visuals: Carol Vorderman dressed in gold

Song hook: And I'll fight for you, give my life for you.

Should qualify: No

Will qualify: No

Result: Out.

 

Belgium - Laura Tesoro - What's the Pressure?

An up-tempo funk/disco number with a bassline straight out of 1970s Chic, and Jacksons sax. An uplifting song with a positive message, this concludes the semifinal with a big smile.

Visuals: A tightly-choreographed Las Vegas D.I.S.C.O

Song hook: What's pressure? You will know, you will know in the end...

Should qualify: No

Will qualify: Yes

Result: Through.

Post-Mortem

A very disappointing show. Semifinal 1 actually proved to be stronger semi in the end. In semi 2, good songs, even ones with strong staging, were performed poorly, and vice versa. Australia, Israel and Ukraine particularly stood out, but then so did non-qualifiers Albania (great vocals, but simple staging) and Belarus (great staging, but poor vocals). Special mention to Georgia, whose no-hoper of a song qualified thanks to some seriously creative camerawork.

No Nordic countries have qualified at all. Of course hosts Sweden didn't have to, but the region comes closest with Netherlands and 2 out of the 3 Baltic Boys (Latvia & Lithuania). Even nearby Ireland failed to qualify, but that's nothing new these days. Back to Gay Byrne's Late Late Show it is, then...

Eurovision Song Contest 2015 Vienna - Grand Final (Preview, updated with results)

Saturday 23rd May, BBC1 8pm

Well, it's been a real Red Wedding of a tournament so far as at least five of my top ten have fallen at the semi final stage. So here are my thoughts on what's left in tonight's Grand Final.

1. Maraaya - Here For You (Slovenia)

Kicking things off in party style is a big fan favourite. Beginning as a ballad, it soon becomes a catchy, up-tempo modern pop song. It's a little let down by its staging, however, as the singer wears what is basically a wedding dress with massive headphones and remains static, next to a distracting air violinist that caught more attention on Twitter during the semis than the song itself.

Which one is this? The girl with the headphones and the air violinist

Memorable bit: "When you're down, down low..."

Result: 14th

2. Lisa Angell - N'oubliez Pas (France)

A moving ballad that pays tribute to the fallen soldiers and buildings, ruined by a century of war. The title, "Don't forget" refers to those who have fought, died or fallen. The dramatic staging would have seen this surge in the odds if it wasn't for the poor placing in the running order. Ironically, it will be forgotten by the end of song 27.

Which one is this? The one with the military drummers.

Memorable bit: "Mais je suis la..."

Result: 25th

3. Nadav Gedj - Golden Boy (Israel)

Performed by the oldest-looking 16-year-old in the world, this begins as an almost chanted ballad, but it soon kicks into an RnB gear before finding its banghra-esque groove with its catchy, Eastern-influenced chorus and ridiculous lyrics. And it has the most adorable ending.

Which one is this? The boy in the golden, winged boots.

Memorable bit: "I'm your golden boy, come here to enjoy"

Result: 9th

4. Elina Born & Stig Rästa - Goodbye to Yesterday (Estonia)

The first of two fan-favourite downbeat duets this year (see also Norway), this one kind of passed me by on first few listens, largely thanks to the gruff, uninterested male vocals and the “oh wait, THAT was the chorus?” moment. But there is some twisted charm in this tale of a man caught sneaking out of his girlfriend’s house in the early hours.

Which one is this? The bickering couple with the dramatic shadows on the floor.
Memorable bit: “I didn't want to wake you up” and the Bond-theme-esque guitar riff.

Result: 7th

5. Electro Velvet - Still In Love With You (United Kingdom)

A dreadful cross between Doop, Scatman John and Cotton Eye Joe (but not as good as any), this accurately represents the UK and BBC's attitude to Eurovision - cheesy, gimmicky crap, and will therefore deserve its inevitable record-breaking 27th place. At 3 minutes, it's way too long. Like a Lord of the Rings movie it carries on way after it should have ended, and if you don't groan when the final verse starts, you may need help.

Which one is this? The crappy Great Gatsby one. 

Memorable bit: This will be better best forgotten.

Result: 24th

6. Geneaology - Face the Shadow (Armenia)

If there is a song left in the competition that is worse that the UK one, it's this. They say a camel is a horse designed by a committee. This feels like a song written by a committee. In a desperate attempt to appeal to the diaspora (which appears to have been successful, since they have qualified), the group is made up of Armenian descendants from the four corners of the Earth. However, this super-group is anything but super, as the voices compete horribly, rather than blend beautifully, and even the political undertones (oblique references to the 100th anniversary of the oft-denied Armenian genocide) can’t make this caterwauling mess any more interesting.
Which one's this: The purple one with the shouty people.
Memorable bit: “Don’t deny…” (the original, more political title of the song)

Result: 16th

7. Monika Linkyte & Vaidas Baumila - This Time (Lithuania)

A bright, breezy, colourful, folksy, upbeat song that kicks off its chorus in fine style then meanders somewhat, but I find its charm irresistible. Make sure you catch the kisses in the second verse!

Which one is this? The lively, colourful one with the kiss.

Memorable bit: "I'm feeling love... love... love"

Result: 18th

8. Bojana Stamenov - Beauty Never Lies (Serbia)

The first of many girl power anthems this year, this one starts off like a ballad, with a thumping beat over the chorus and cheesy yet heart-warming lyrics of a girl’s discovery of confidence. In the final third it turns rather unexpectedly into a disco anthem, and Bojana truly delivers on the required diva vocals. A real crowd-pleaser.
Which one is this? The plus-size girl with masked backing singers-turned dancers.

Memorable bit: “Yes, I’m different, and it’s okay! Here I am!”
Result: 10th

9. Mørland & Debrah Scarlett - A Monster Like Me (Norway)

And now for something completely different. A very sombre, macabre duet ballad about a man's "terrible" confession. Less is more on this one, making it a big fan favourite.

Which one is this? The downbeat duet with the female readhead.

Memorable bit: "I'd better let you go, to find the prince you thought you found in me"

Result: 8th

10. Måns Zelmerlöw - Heroes (Sweden)

Do not miss this one! This year's bookie's favourite is an up-tempo pop/dance song with a bit of a country vibe. Even though the song is insanely catchy, it will be most memorable for its interactive staging, involving a cartoon stick man and a hunky singer in an incredibly flattering top.

Which one is this? The one with the interactive cartoon man

Memorable bit: "We are the heroes of our time, heroes, woah-woah"

Result: WINNER!!!

11. Giannis Karagiannis - One Thing I Should Have Done (Cyprus)

An acoustic ballad sung by a man who looks like he's wearing those comedy glasses with a fake nose. It's actually quite touching, if unremarkable, but the requisite subtle staging is very effectively done. 12 points from Greece.

Which one is this? The bloke with the glasses.

Memorable bit: "I should have done everything for you".

Result: 22nd

12. Guy Sebastian - Tonight Again (Australia)

Despite some controversy ("it's not in Europe" shocker - yawn, and it's not even alone in this) Australia are making a one-off (COUGH COUGH) entry for the 60th edition, and they've come up trumps with this high-energy, soulful, credible and modern pop song that would not sound out of place on a Bruno Mars album (along with Denmark's entry from last year). Very curious to see how well this does in the voting...

Which one is this? The Australian Bruno Mars-y one.

Memorable bit: "Do what you what, you what, you want"

Result: 5th

13. Loïc Nottet - Rhythm Inside (Belgium)

A very interesting one this. Teenager Loïc is an amazing dancer with a massive voice (YouTube his version of Sia’s “Chandelier” for proof of both) but his song is a moody Lourde-esque mid-tempo song whose sparse musical composition comprises of little more than clicks, bass bursts and drums beats, and yet makes a big impact, especially with its rousing chorus and unique choreography.
Which one is this? The weird, artsy, modern black & white-themed one.

Memorable bit: “And if we die tomorrow…”

Result: 4th

14. The Makemakes - I Am Yours (Austria)

Smack-bang in the middle, this year's hosts Austria give us a mid-tempo piano ballad with a slight old-school retro vibe. Not a million miles away from Coldplay's "The Scientist", this one kicks off a run of eight ballads.

Which one is this? The one with the burning piano.

Memorable bit: "You're what I belong to..."

Result: Joint last, 0 points

15. Maria Helena Kyriakou - One Last Breath (Greece)

This year, Greece have opted for the big female power ballad, and it’s for the most part a big success, building gradually in somewhat comforting if predictable style. It ends at around 2:15 but goes on for another desperate 30 seconds. 12 points from Cyprus.
Which one is this? The blonde woman in the blue circle.
Memorable bit: “I’m begging you, take me”

Result: 19th

16. Knez - Adio (Montenegro)

One of those Balkan ballads that we in the West only hear at Eurovision, it has a strange rhythm and Eastern instrumentation that builds and builds to an effective climax with crashing drums. I'm buggered if I can find a memorable chorus or melody, but it's pleasant enough. Knez is evidently a seasoned pro and gives a polished performance with his much younger female backing dancers, in front of a dramatic mountain backdrop.

Which one is this? The one with the weird helicopter/Zorba the Greek dance.

Memorable bit: Erm... None of it. And it's all in foreign.

Result: 13th

17. Ann Sophie - Black Smoke (Germany)

A funky, retro mid-tempo song with lots of attitude, sees an Amy Winehouse lookalike sing like Paloma Faith. The simple staging lets the song do the talking.

Which one is this? Amy Winehouse sings Paloma Faith

Memorable bit: "'Cause you said you'd never let me go..."

Result: Joint last, 0 points

18. Monika Kuszyńska - In The Name Of Love (Poland)

Consider your heartstrings pulled as we see real-life footage of a younger Monika strutting her stuff as the Carol Vorderman lookalike (thank you Mel Giedroyc) sings live from her wheelchair. It's a bit of a nothing song, and her voice isn't the strongest, but the (very) pink staging and lyrical sentiment are beautiful.

Which one is this? Carol Vorderman in a wheelchair.

Memorable bit: "Beyond the fear, let's build a bridge"

Result: 23rd

19. Aminata - Love Injected (Latvia)

A very strange one, this. Very sparse electronic beats and high, thin vocals soon transform into a belting chorus and back again, climaxing in a memorable chant of "oh-oh"s. The simple staging works superbly. A potential dark horse, this.

Which one is this? The electronic ballad with the big red dress.

Memorable bit: "Your love... revives my soul"

Result: 6th

20. Voltaj - Del La Capat/All Over Again (Romania)

A party political broadcast on behalf of UKIP, this concentrates on the plight of the children left behind when parents leave Romania to go abroad to earn money for their families. This one's sung mostly in Romanian, but has the final chorus in English. It has a strong melody, but the vocalist isn't the strongest in the world. He's promised to sing it all in English if they get to the final, but that hasn't gone down well with their Romanian fans, so we'll see. The original Romanian version has already been a massive hit back home, at the end of last year.
Which one's this? The bald man singing around the suitcases.
Memorable bit: "You will be the reason, you will be the reason"

Result: 15th

21. Edurne - Amanacer (Spain)
After relative success with Ruth Lorenzo last year, Spain have returned with another female power-ballad, complete with dramatic staging and (I'm reliably informed) international superstar Edurne. She's duetted with Olly Murs, you know.
Which one's this? The blonde girl with (and without) the cape.
Memorable bit: "Ee-yeah-ee-yeah-eah, ee-yeah-ee-yeah-eah"

Result: 21st

22. Boggie - Wars For Nothing (Hungary)

The ballad run concludes with the slowest so far, a repetitive, acoustic anti-war ballad. Very cheesy, but quite effective if you choose to go with it. The singer looks like a cross between the Duchess of Cambridge and Luisa Zissman, but you may have seen her YouTube video, "Parfum", which has achieved 8 million views so far.
Which one is this? The one with gun tree.
Memorable bit: "Do you know our Earth is a mess?"

Result: 20th

23. Nina Sublatti - Warrior (Georgia)
The ballads come to a thumping end courtesy of this, the most powerful of the girl power tracks. Nina goes full-on Goth rock chick, full of attitude, and the most effective staging since Sweden, with its dry ice and thunder clouds. The song isn't great, but this will definitely make a massive impact after the long string of ballads.
Which one is this? The goth rock chick.
Memorable bit: "Ooh-ooh I'm a warrior"

Result: 11th

24. Elnur Huseynov - Hour of the Wolf (Azerbaijan)

A gorgeous ballad sung by a man with a phenomenal voice - Elnur, who performaed Azerbaijan's debut entry in 2008 as a falsetto albino angel. Unfortunately his English pronunciation is pretty poor, but he is flanked by two contemporary dancers to help tell the tale. You may recognise the male dancer as Canadian Lukas McFarlane, winner of the third series of Sky's "Got to Dance".

Which one is this? The wolf one with the contemporary dancers throwing each other around.

Memorable bit: "No, I won't sleep tonight"

Result: 12th

25. Polina Gagarina - A Million Voices (Russia)
Another year, another peace ballad from Russia. You have to admire their cheek, especially as silencing a million voices is their particular speciality. As it is, it's a great power ballad, and, far from the recent tradition of boos, the combination of Polina's phenomenal voice, pretty face, and pitch-perfect staging might even see it snatch victory from Sweden, which has been favourite for so long it is facing a big fan backlash. It all really depends upon whether the more progressive, Ukraine-loving Western countries can bring themselves to vote for homophobic warmongers Russia. We'll find out shortly.
Which one is this? The pretty blonde Russian with the peace ballad.
Memorable bit: "We believe, we believe in a dream"

Result: 2nd

26. Elhaida Dani - I'm Alive (Albania)

One final, stirring, girl power ballad, this builds and builds with crashing drums, but ultimately doesn't go anywhere special. Elhaida's vocals struggle in the song's climax, but she gives it her all and has a lot of online support. At one point, it sounds like she sings "you shat on my dreams", but I'm assured it's "you shut down my dreams". Shame.
Which one is this? The shouty mousy one with the sparkly backdrop.
Memorable bit: "Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay"

Result: 17th

27. Il Volo - Grande Amore (Italy)
And we finish with the other other favourite, a big Italian ballad sang in an operatic style by a trio of young men with big voices. Again, I'm reliably informed that they are well-known across Europe (and indeed the world) so expectations are big for this one. Opera never does well at Eurovision, but this year could be the exception. Anyone who uses George & Lorraine McFly as an example of "Grande Amore" in their music video gets a big thumbs-up from me.
Which one is this? The operatic one.
Memorable bit: "Grande amore"
Result: 3rd

Eurovision 2015 Semifinal 2 (Preview, updated with results)

Semi-Final 2 (Thursday 21th May)

Monika Linkyte & Vaidas Baumila - This Time (Lithuania)

A bright, breezy, colourful, folksy, upbeat song that kicks off its chorus in fine style then meanders somewhat, but I find its charm irresistible.

Memorable bit: "I'm feeling love"

Should qualify? Yes

Will qualify? Yes

Result? Through

 

Molly Sterling - Playing with Numbers (Ireland)

A bit of a dreary piano ballad from a teenage girl with a massively mature voice. It's not unpleasant but not likely to make a memorable impact.

Memorable bit: "Give a little love"

Should qualify? No

Will qualify? No

Result? Out

 

Michele Perniola & Anita Simoncini - Chain of Light (San Marino)

This male/female teenage duet slowly builds orchestrally with some electronic beats before settling into a pure Eurovision cheese-fest complete with imagery of holding candles and quite poorly pronounced English, most comically when they try to go a bit street with spoken bits towards in the end.

Memorable bit: "If we all light a candle"

Should qualify? No

Will qualify? No

Result? Out

 

Knez - Adio (Montenegro)

One of those Balkan ballads that we in the west only hear at Eurovision, it has a strange rhythm and eastern instrumentation that builds and builds to a climax with crashing drums.

Memorable bit: Erm... The purple mountains?

Should qualify? No

Will qualify? Yes

Result? Through

 

Amber - Warrior (Malta)

The second female "Warrior" of the competiton comes in the far less badass form of a young girl with a big voice. It may be a better song than Georgia's entry (See semifinal 1), but won't make anything close in terms of impact.

Memorable bit: "Break through the silence"

Should qualify? Yes

Will qualify? No

Result? Out

 

Mørland & Debrah Scarlett - A Monster Like Me (Norway)

And now for something completely different, with a very sombre, macabre duet ballad about a man's "terrible" confession. A big fan favourite.

Memorable bit: "I'd better let you go, to find the prince you thought you found in me"

Should qualify? Yes

Will qualify? Yes

Result? Through

 

Leonor Andrade - Há Um Mar Que Nos Separa (Portugal)

A pretty forgettable but far from bad mid-tempo pop/rock track sung by a female brunette. In Portuguese. That's about it.

Memorable bit: None of it. The background "woah woahs" maybe?

Should qualify? No

Will qualify? No

Result? Out

 

Marta Jandova & Vaclav Noid Barta - Hope Never Dies (Czech Republic)

A massively likeable couple with loads of charisma and great voices have been lumped with this dreary ballad duet that does no favours for anyone. A real shame.

Memorable bit: "There is no light to pray for"

Should qualify? No (I actually changed my opinion on this after their flawless performance and would have liked to have seen them through)

Will qualify? No

Result? Out.

 

Nadav Gedj - Golden Boy (Israel)

Beginning as an almost chanted ballad, it soon kicks into an RnB gear before finding its banghra-esque groove with its catchy, Eastern-influenced chorus. And it had the most adorable ending.

Memorable bit: "I'm your golden boy, come here to enjoy"

Should qualify? No

Will qualify? Yes

Result? Through

 

Aminata - Love Injected (Latvia)

A very strange one, this. Very sparse electronic beats and high, thin vocals soon transform into a belting chorus and back again, climaxing in a memorable chant of "oh-oh"s

Memorable bit: "Your love revives my soul"

Should qualify? Yes

Will qualify? Yes

Result? Through

Elnur Huseynov - Hour of the Wolf (Azerbaijan)

A gorgeous ballad sung by a man with a phenomenal voice. Unfortunately he is flanked by two contemporary dancers who are more distracting than enhancing. (One of whom is Got to Dance UK winner Lucas McFarlane.)

Memorable bit: "No, I won't sleep tonight"

Should qualify? Yes

Will qualify? Yes

Result? Through

 

María Ólafsdóttir - Unbroken (Iceland)

Catchy as hell, this upbeat pop song is basically the same 10 seconds repeated for three minutes, but in this case that isn't a bad thing.

Memorable bit: "One step at a time"

Should qualify? Yes

Will qualify? Yes

Result? Out. Maria's nerves got the best of her, the vocals were terrible.

 

Måns Zelmerlöw - Heroes (Sweden)

This year's big favourite is an up-tempo pop/dance song with a bit of a country vibe that will be most memorable for its interactive staging, involving a cartoon stick man and a hunky singer in an incredibly flattering jumper.

Memorable bit: "We are the heroes of our time"

Should qualify? Yes

Will qualify? Yes

Result? Through

 

Melanie Rene - Time to Shine (Switzerland)

One of my favourite ballads this year, it begins with a rather ominous tone before shifting into its much more upbeat chorus.

Memorable bit: "I'm living my dreams"

Should qualify? Yes

Will qualify? No

Result? Out

 

Giannis Karagiannis - One Thing I Should Have Done (Cyprus)

An acoustic ballad sung by a man who looks like he's wearing those comedy glasses with a fake nose. It's actually quite touching but unremarkable.

Memorable bit: "I should have done everything for you".

Should qualify? No

Will qualify? Yes

Result? Through

 

Maraaya - Here For You (Slovenia)

A big fan favourite, this one's let down a little by its staging as a catchy, up-tempo modern pop song is sung by a static woman in a wedding dress wearing massive headphones.

Memorable bit: "When you're down, down low..."

Should qualify? Yes

Will qualify? Yes

Result? Through

 

Monika Kuszyńska - In The Name Of Love (Poland)

Consider you heartstrings pulled as we see real-life footage of a younger Monika strutting her stuff as she sings from her wheelchair. It's a bit of a nothing song, but the staging and sentiment are beautiful.

Memorable bit: "Beyond the fear"

Should qualify? Yes (I would have swapped this for Czech Republic after the performances, her vocals weren't great)

Will qualify? No

Result? Through

Not bad on the predictions for this one! Only underestimated Poland by overestimating  Iceland. One of the strongest songs was blown by a bad performance.

Eurovision 2015 Semifinal 1 (Preview, updated with results)

Tuesday 19th May 2015, 8pm BBC3

Eduard Romanyuta - I Want Your Love (Moldova)
The young Ukrainian singer, looking like a cleaned-up Axl Rose, swaggers around with his NYPD dancers, trying to infuse some attitude into a pretty silly but catchy pop song. Not a favourite with the fans; do not expect to see this again on Saturday night.
Memorable bit: “What I want, what I want, what I want want want want”
Should qualify? No
Will qualify? No

Result? Out.

Geneaology - Face the Shadow (Armenia)
They say a camel is a horse designed by a committee. This feels like a song written by a committee. Made up of Armenian descendants from the four corners of the Earth, this super-group is anything but super, as the voices compete horribly, rather than blend beautifully, and even the political undertones (oblique references to the 100th anniversary of the oft-denied Armenian genocide) can’t make this caterwauling mess any more interesting.
Memorable bit: “Don’t deny…” (the original, more political title of the song)
Should qualify? No
Will qualify? No

Result? Through. Ugh.

Loïc Nottet - Rhythm Inside (Belgium)
A very interesting one this. Teenager Loïc is an amazing dancer with a massive voice (YouTube his version of Sia’s “Chandelier” for proof of both) but his song is a moody Lourde-esque mid-tempo song whose sparse musical composition comprises of little more than clicks, bass bursts and drums beats, and yet makes a big impact, especially with its rousing chorus and unique choreography.
Memorable bit: “And if we die tomorrow…” and the black & white images and sparse, rhythmic music.
Should qualify? Yes
Will qualify? Yes

Result? Through

Trijntje Oosterhuis - Walk Along (The Netherlands)
After a very close second-place near-victory last year, the Netherlands have opted for a safer approach this year, with a mid-tempo ballad that’s catchy as hell. It is extremely repetitive, especially after a few listens, but still an absolute pleasure to my ears. Unfortunately it loses something in its live performance.
Memorable bit: "Why, why-y-y-y, why-y-y-y”
Should qualify? Yes
Will qualify? No

Result? Out. Sob.

Pertti Kurikan Nimipäivät - Aina Mun Pitää (Finland)
The first of the competition’s two biggest talking points (the other being Australia), this band is comprised of adults with learning difficulties (including a drummer with Down’s Syndrome). They will get the sympathy vote, but don’t need it; they are a well-known, bona fide, stadium-filling success in their own right. The song, to quote Bernard Black, is “dreadful, but it’s short”. Clocking in at 1:28, they could play it twice and still come in under the three-minute limit. As it is, it’s loo long.
Memorable bit: The special needs punk band.
Should qualify? No
Will qualify? Yes

Result? Out.

Maria Helena Kyriakou - One Last Breath (Greece)
This year Greece have opted for the big female power ballad, and it’s for the most part a big success. Unfortunately, it ends at around 2:15 but goes on for another desperate 30 seconds.
Memorable bit: “I’m begging you, take me”
Should qualify? Yes
Will qualify? Yes

Result? Through.

Elina Born & Stig Rästa - Goodbye to Yesterday (Estonia)
The first of two fan-favourite downbeat duets this year (see also Norway), this one kind of passed me by on first few listens, largely thanks to the gruff, uninterested male vocals and the “oh wait, THAT was the chorus?” moment. But there is some twisted charm in this tale of a man caught sneaking out of his girlfriend’s house in the early hours.
Memorable bit: “I didn’t want to wake you up” and the Bond-theme-esque guitar riff.
Should qualify? Yes
Will qualify? Yes

Result? Through.

Daniel Kajmakoski – Autumn Leaves (FYR Macedonia)
A gorgeous mid-tempo pop ballad with a lovely, rousing chorus with a Balkan vibe. I seem to be the only one falling under its spell but my only criticism is it’s way too short. The choreography – featuring 90s RnB sensations Blackstreet - is a bit distracting, however.
Memorable bit: “My heart is beating like a million drums”
Should qualify? Yes
Will qualify? No

Result? Out. Big sob.

Bojana Stamenov - Beauty Never Lies (Serbia)
The first of many girl power anthems this year, this one starts off like a ballad, with a thumping beat over the chorus and cheesy yet heart-warming lyrics of a girl’s discovery of confidence. In the final third it turns rather unexpectedly into a disco anthem, and starts losing me- I’d have preferred one or the other.
Memorable bit: The plus-size girl singing, “Yes I’m different, and it’s okay”
Should qualify? Yes
Will qualify? No

Result? Through. Yay!

Boggie - Wars For Nothing (Hungary)
A repetitive, acoustic anti-war ballad. Very cheesy, but quite effective if you choose to go with it.
Memorable bit: The gun tree.
Should qualify? No
Will qualify? Yes

Result? Through.

Uzari & Maimuna - Time (Belarus)
A very catchy duet between a man and a female violinist, the song powers along until it takes an instrumental diversion at the second chorus then takes a bit too long to recover. A shame, as there's a decent song in there, but I'm hoping it's memorable enough.
Memorable bit: “Time is like thunder, ah- ah”
Should qualify? Yes
Will qualify? Yes

Result? Out. Hmph.

Polina Gagarina - A Million Voices (Russia)
Another year, another peace ballad from Russia. You have to admire their cheek, especially as silencing millions of voices is their speciality. As it is, it's a great power ballad, and the effective staging will make it a guaranteed qualifier.
Memorable bit: "We believe, we believe in a dream"

Should qualify? Yes
Will qualify? Yes

Result? Through.

Anti-Social Media - The Way You Are (Denmark)
A 1960s pastiche, with its jangly guitars and singalong chorus, this is definitely a stand-out amongst the ballads this year, but may not be strong enough to qualify.
Memorable bit: "It's the way you are, it's just the way that you are"
Should qualify? No
Will qualify? No

Result? Out.

Elhaida Dani - I'm Alive (Albania)
A stirring girl power ballad that builds with crashing drums, but ultimately doesn't go anywhere special.
Memorable bit: "Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay"
Should qualify? No
Will qualify? Yes

Result? Through.

Voltaj - Del La Capat/All Over Again (Romania)

A party political broadcast on behalf of UKIP, this concentrates on the plight of the children left behind when parents leave Romania to go abroad to earn money for their families. This one's sung mostly in Romanian, but has the final chorus in English. It has a strong melody, but the vocalist isn't the strongest in the world.
Memorable bit: "You will be the reason, you will be the reason"
Should qualify? Yes
Will qualify? Yes

Result? Through.

Nina Sublatti - Warrior (Georgia)
The most powerful of the girl power tracks, Nina goes full-on Goth rock chick, full of attitude. There is another female "warrior" coming up in semi-final 2, but if it came to a battle, I'd put my money on Nina over Malta's Amber any day.
Memorable bit: "Ooh-ooh a warrior"

Should qualify? Yes
Will qualify? Yes

Result? Through.

So understated Armenia & Serbia, overestimated Finland's sympathy vote and Belarus (which was a long shot anyway). Roll on Thursday!