American Idol - Week 13 - Final.

It's Phillip Phillips Vs Jessica Sanchez.

Even though I'm watching this almost a week late, I've managed to avoid spoilers and yet am expecting this to be a foregone conclusion. Phillip is the only artist to never have been in the bottom two, plus I'm not that keen on him, and am totally Team Jessica all the way. So Phillip's going to walk it.

Round 1 - Simon Fuller's choice.
1. Jessica Sanchez - I Have Nothing (Whitney Houston).
Jessica has a big voice, and this song requires one. Unfortunately, it's not a good fit. Jessica was never off-key nor off-pitch, but there was a lack of meat in her vocals that made her amazing voice somehow sound somewhat thin and weedy.

2. Phillip Phillips - Stand By Me (Ben E. King).
Giving the song a folksy, acoustic twist, his growly vocals sounded out of place, and he somehow made this amazing song incredibly boring. Which is something of a trademark of Phillip's. At least he's consistent.

The judges (well, Randy) declare round 1 to Jessica. I'm inclined to agree, but both were disappointing so it's more by default than performing an impressive finale performance.

Jason Derülo performs his new single, "Undefeated", which sounds like a cross between Taio Cruz's "Higher" and a Coca Cola jingle.

Round 2 - Contestants' choice.
3. Jessica Sanchez - The Prayer (Céline Dion).
Now that's a bit more like it. Starting off softly, controlled, and incredibly beautiful, she built nicely to belting it out without overdoing it or shouting, and then pulled it back respectfully.

4. Phillip Phillips - Moving' Out (Anthony's Song) (Billy Joel).
Of all of his performances, why he chose this one in particular is a complete mystery to me. Boring, tedious, and of no impact whatsoever.

Round 2 unquestionably goes to Jessica. Stephen agrees, adding an "again", Randy calls it a draw (wuss) and JLo give it to Phillip because his performance was "Phillip". No argument there. Except for that being a good thing.

Round 3 - Winner's single.
5. Jessica Sanchez - Change Nothing.
A disappointingly middle-of-the-road ballad. It was sweet and all, and she sang it well, but there wasn't much to it. I'm curious to know who picked it and/or wrote it.

6. Phillip Phillips - Home.
What do you know? It's a song performed in a folksy acoustic way. It has a bit more of a tempo to it than we're usually used to hearing from Phillip, and it definitely has more of a melody than Jessica's song. But also a bit zzzzzzzzzz.

Round 3 goes to Phillip. Comparisons to Mumford & Sons and Paul Simon were quite accurate. "Brilliant" and "genius", not so much.

And to top it all off they drag back on the mighty season 10 winner (again) Scotty McCreery to sprinkle some stardust on proceedings. Well, sing his tedious exit song, "Better Love" anyway.

So, overall, possibly the most limp Idol finale I can ever remember.

RESULTS SHOW

The final howevermany (minus the two finalists) pop up to give us a rendition of Bruno Mars's "Runaway Baby". It's amazing how many names and faces I'd already forgotten.

1. Phillip Phillips & John Fogerty - Have You Ever Seen The Rain/ Bad Moon Rising (Credence Clearwater Revival).
It's always a strange thing to watch, Phillip duetting. Having become so used to his 33rpm twists on songs, he seems oddly uncomfortable singing a song as is, even if it's with one of his own idols. For my money, he sounded all the better for it, and he definitely came more to life on the second song.

Joshua Ledet returns to the stage for a scream-off with former winner Fantasia. Even the editor is clearly bored as we go to commercial before they've even finished. Phew.

The finalist girls return for a Chaka Khan medley of Ain't Nobody/ Through the Fire/ I'm Every Woman. And, to be fair, they all do a pretty decent job. Then Chaka herself joins them, looking and sounding a hell of a lot better than the last time I saw her pop up on a show like this. Which is not to be mistaken for flawless.

Rihanna performs a laser-heavy "Where Have You Been", a song that sounds a lot worse than similar songs at this year's Eurovision, yet will no doubt fare better in the charts purely on the basis of her name. Yawn.

Skylar Laine returns for a duet with Reba McIntyre on "Turn On Your Radio". Needless to say, she was in her element. She definitely has a bright future ahead in American country music.

Jennifer Holliday joins Jessica Sanchez in a freakishly bizarre scream-off on "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going", although it definitely brought the best out of Jessica's voice in a way that would make her losing to Phillip look frankly embarrassing. Jennifer, however, managed to embarrass herself with facial contortions I never thought would be possible without prosthetics.

Steven Tyler has reconciled with his band, so we get two Aerosmith performances, one is a new song, "Legendary Child", which fits seamlessly into their back catalogue, the other being the Girls Aloud Vs Sugababes classic "Walk This Way". It was what it was, which was what I expected it to be.

And so it's the final performance, a rather lovely duet of Phillip and Jessica performing "Up Where We Belong". With Phillip sounding scarily similar to Joe Cocker, it's fair to say Jessica more than matched Jennifer Warnes.

And so to the result, or foregone conclusion, as Ryan barely takes a breath before announcing the winner of American Idol season 11 is...

Phillip Phillips.

Phillip seems surprisingly calm, and Heejun runs on the stage to take the piss out of him. Then after the first chorus of "Home", it all hits Phillip and his voice cracks. He eventually gives up, hands his guitar to his fellow contestants and buries himself in his family's arms. By which I mean bodies, not guns. As we've discovered, it's a necessary distinction to make when it comes to the Phillips family. It's all rather sweet and emotional, and a nice way to end an underwhelming finale.

See you for season 12. Shortly before Phillip is dropped by BMG.

Eurovision Song Contest 2012 - Final (Preview)

Saturday, May 26th, BBC1/BBC1HD, 8pm

1. United Kingdom
Engelbert Humperdinck
"Love Will Set You Free".
The controversial British entry is actually a decent acoustic ballad with a playful melody and strong vocals from "The Hump". Whilst I can't say it makes a huge impact, I can't deny that I enjoy it when it's on.
Hook: "Love comes once, if you're lucky enough."

2. Hungary
Compact Disco
"Sound Of Our Hearts".
My personal favourite of this year's ballads, the production reminds me a lot of Madonna's "The Power of Good-bye". Some might consider it bland, generic and over-familiar, but there's nothing wrong with that.
Hook: "This is the sound of our hearts, if you listen".

3. Albania
Rona Nishliu
"Suus".
One of the slowest, but most powerful female-led ballads this year, this is very simple and basic but features breathtaking vocals from Rona. Namely, lots of Björk-esque wailing, but the song couldn't be more different from her music.
Hook: The massive, held-out notes.

4. Lithuania
Donny Montell
"Love Is Blind".
A bit of a mess, to put it mildly. Jumping around in style, from ballad to poor '90s disco production and back again, you can't help but feel there's a song in there somewhere trying to get out, but failing. By no means terrible, but I don't know what Lithuania were thinking entering this. The blindfold is in particularly bad taste.
Hook: "Love is blind, it's true".

5. Bosnia & Herzegovina
Maya Sar
"Korake Ti Znam".
One of the more forgettable female ballads. I'd elaborate, but there is little distinctive about it. It has some Celtic pan pipes towards the end, if that helps.
Hook: It doesn't have one.

6. Russia
Buranovskiye Babushki
"Party For Everybody".
Ask most people in the UK what they expect from Eurovision, and this will likely be what springs to mind. Several Russian grannies in traditional costume, it begins promisingly with a Lion King-like chant, but it soon deteriorates out of nowhere into an excruciating pop-Cossack crossover that you will NOT get out of your head. But in a very bad way. UK voters will love it, in a rubbernecking-a-car-crash kind of way.
Hook: "Dance, come on and dance, come on and party for everybody, dance."

7. Iceland
Greta Salóme & Jónsi
"Never Forget".
An epic Celtic duet whose production instantly conjures mental images of forests, swords, fur coats and leather trousers. The specific melody may not stick in your head, but it will surely be remembered as "that Game of Thrones-y one I quite liked".
Hook: "Forever we'll be free".

8. Cyprus
Ivi Adamou
"La, La, Love".
One of the strongest tracks this year, it's a real club-thumping stomper of a track that wouldn't sound out of place on a Rihanna album. Deserves to be a huge chart hit.
Hook: "Oh I'll be waiting for this la la la-la-la-la-la la la la-la-la-la-la la love".

9. France
Anggun
"Echo (You and I)".
A rather catchy if unremarkable up-tempo pop song with a memorable whistled hook. The song is a little schizophrenic in its production and tempo, but has a familiar feel. Despite its title, it's sung mostly in French.
Hook: Whistling, or "In my dreams, in my dreams, in my heart, in my mind, I see you and I".

10. Italy
Nina Zilli
"L'Amore E' Femmina (Out Of Love)".
Instantly infectious, it mixes a ballsy attitude with a retro vibe to great effect. Think the perfect blend of Dusty Springfield and Amy Winehouse.
Hook: "Boom! Boom! Boom!"

11. Estonia
Ott Lepland
"Kuula"
A full-on piano ballad, but with a male vocal. It's on the stronger end of the scale than most of its ballad competitors.
Hook: The title, really.

12. Norway
Tooji
"Stay".
Bits of this song are ace, in particular the bridge and the first half of the chorus, but the very irritating production throws in these horrid buzzes and alarm-like synth noises that stop me from loving this as much as I otherwise might. But Tooji owns that stage much like Sweden's Eric Saade did last year.
Hook: "I don't know what I'm doing tonight, but this rush is making me stronger".

13. Azerbaijan
Sabina Babayeva
"When The Music Dies".
Reigning champions Azerbaijan opt for yet another ballad, but this one is not quite up to their recent standard. It starts off in a lower register that doesn't sound altogether pleasant, but does build to a rousing chorus.
Hook: "Cold, cold, cold".

14. Romania
Mandinga
"Zaleilah".
Daft, gimmicky, playful and insanely catchy. Horns and accordions over a dance beat, it's a fine slice of Eurovision cheese.
Hook: "Zalilalilaleh, every day, everybody."

15. Denmark
Soluna Samay
"Should've Known Better".
This mid-tempo acoustic ballad is instantly catchy. Think Natalie Imbruglia's "Torn", and you'll be in the ball park. It's only let down a little by the mid-section when the rather lovely chorus wanders away, and a very silly costume that makes the female singer look like a toy soldier.
Hook: "Now I miss you, like Sahara misses rain".

16. Greece
Eleftheria Eleftheriou
"Aphrodisiac".
A memorable and credible club anthem, with a sprinkling of Eastern vibes, like the best song Shakira never recorded, but with less irritating vocals. Its singalong "oh-oh-oh-oh-oh" chorus would also sound great on a dancefloor.
Hook: "You make me dance, dance like a maniac."

17. Sweden
Loreen
"Euphoria".
Now we're talking. With David Guetta consistently riding high in the UK singles chart, why this hasn't been picked up by radio and become a monster hit in the UK already mystifies me. Easily the best entry this year, this could potentially give Eurovision music some much-needed credibility with British music buyers. The best example this year of a stomping club anthem, I'd love to see this fly u-u-u-u-u-u-up the UK charts. I'm loving the simplicity of the staging, too.
Hook: "We're going u-u-u-u-u-u-up".

18. Turkey
Can Bonomo
"Love Me Back".
A sea shanty stretched out far beyond its welcome, this is simply awful. But still not as bad as Montenegro's Euro Neuro. "Like me like I like you and say na na na na ne na ne na." Poetry.
Hook: "Come up to my ship, baby, I'll make you fly."

19. Spain
Pastora Soler
"Quédate Conmigo (Stay With Me)".
Arguably the biggest of this year's big ballads, Soler sings her heart out with a song that's full of drama and big notes and a chorus even an Anglophone can sing along to.
Hook: "Quédate conmigo, quédate conmigo".

20. Germany
Roman Lob
"Standing Still".
One of the stronger slow tracks, it begins as a mid-tempo piano ballad that builds nicely with a slight rock edge. Definitely one of this year's more credible tracks, and was co-written by the UK's own Jamie Cullum.
Hook: "I'm standing still, I'm standing still as you leave me now".

21. Malta
Kurt Calleja
"This Is The Night".
Starting off promising, this has some nice chords, a decent pop production, and then builds effectively to a hugely disappointing chorus.
Hook: "Hey-ey-ey-ey-e-yay".

22. FYR Macedonia
Kaliopi
"Crno I Belo".
Starting as a female-led piano ballads, it takes a sudden diversion and rocks out in the second half. It comes out of nowhere and disappears just as suddenly, but gives the song a distinctive sound.
Hook: "Crno i belo e se".

23. Ireland
Jedward
"Waterline"
They're back. Let's face it, last year's Irish entry, "Lipstick" was pure genius. 5 seconds in, it was stuck in your head. This is a far more generic pop-rock song and its lack of gimmicks make it much less memorable. But it's Jedward, so they will find some way to stick in people's minds, as the song surely won't.
Hook: "I am close to the waterline".

24. Serbia
Zeljko Joksimovic
"Nije Ljubav Stvar".
With a melody that reminds me of Coldplay's "Paradise" at times, this male-fronted piano ballad is full of Eastern promise, featuring a string-laden, thumping production that builds effectively.
Hook: It doesn't really have one, but very few of the ballads are led by a male vocal.

25. Ukraine
Gaitana
"Be My Guest".
Gaitana's vocals are very reminiscent of Anastacia's, and the song is all fun, positivity and P.A.R.T.Y. It's a cheesy singalong Anthem with a capital A.
Hook: "You can be my guest".

26. Moldova
Pasha Parfeny
"Lăutar".
An odd title for a song in English (it's a type of musician) this is one of those Eurovision songs that would never ever chart in the UK, yet would get votes from UK audience for its novelty factor. Whilst it doesn't even make my top 30 it does have a certain inexplicable appeal.
Hook: "This trumpet makes you mine, girl".

Eurovision Song Contest 2012 - Semifinal 2

Thursday, May 24, BBC3, 8pm

Tonight sees the second of two Eurovision semifinals. 10 songs will go through to Saturday's final, 8 end here.
The UK get to vote in this one, so here's a handy cut-out-and-keep guide to which song is which.

[10pm: Updated with results]

1. Serbia
Zeljko Joksimovic
"Nije Ljubav Stvar".
With a melody that reminds me of Coldplay's "Paradise" at times, this male-fronted piano ballad is full of Eastern promise, featuring a string-laden, thumping production that builds effectively.
Hook: It doesn't really have one, but very few of the ballads are led by a male vocal.
RESULT: Through. Expected.

2. FYR Macedonia
Kaliopi
"Crno I Belo".
Starting as a female-led piano ballads, it takes a sudden diversion and rocks out in the second half. It comes out of nowhere and disappears just as suddenly, but gives the song a distinctive sound.
Hook: "Crno i belo e se".
RESULT: Through. Not what I was expecting.

3. Netherlands
Joan Franka
"You And Me".
A folksy, acoustic song with a light country vibe, it has oodles of charm and I defy you to listen without swaying or rocking your shoulders. However, it also comes with a female singer ill-advisedly wearing a Native American headdress. Think Cher singing "Half Breed".
Hook: "It's you... and me... and everybody out there".
RESULT: Out. A pity.

4. Malta
Kurt Calleja
"This Is The Night".
Starting off promising, this has some nice chords, a decent pop production, and then builds effectively to a hugely disappointing chorus.
Hook: "Hey-ey-ey-ey-e-yay".
RESULT: Through. I'm happy.

5. Belarus
Litesound
"We Are The Heroes".
Beginning with a ballad fake-out, this soon turns into a pop-dance floor filler with a rousing, singalong chorus. I recommend hunting down the original, rockier mix that was far superior, but it's a pretty decent song.
Hook: "We are the wieners, we are the heroes". I assume they mean "winners".
RESULT: Out. Should have stuck with the rock mix.

6. Portugal
Filipa Sousa
"Vida Minha".
A rather anonymous ballad with an Eastern vibe, it is not especially memorable nor unpleasant.
Hook: It doesn't really have one. It has mandolins, if that helps.
RESULT: Out.

7. Ukraine
Gaitana
"Be My Guest".
Gaitana's vocals are very reminiscent of Anastacia's, and the song is all fun, positivity and P.A.R.T.Y. It's a cheesy singalong Anthem with a capital A.
Hook: "You can be my guest".
RESULT: Through. Hooray!

8. Bulgaria
Sofi Marinova
"Love Unlimited"
Featuring the kind of production that was in vogue at the turn of the millennium, this dance track might sound great in a club, and is certainly one of the more contemporary-sounding songs that wouldn't sound out of place in the charts. Think Inna's "Hot". Unfortunately, Sofi performs it like it's a ballad, so I'm hoping they drag out some dancers.
Hook: "Dor-em-dem-dem-day".
RESULT: Out.

9. Slovenia
Eva Boto
"Verjamem".
A female-vocal ballad, and this one builds and builds. Throwing in harps, flutes, a military beat, and some VERY big notes, it ends just as you feel it's starting to go somewhere. But despite being the youngest competitor, Eva has a very strong voice and great stage presence.
Hook: "Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah..."
RESULT: Out. Quite gutted, actually.

10. Croatia
Nina Badric
"Nebo"
In a year of many ballads, good and bad, this falls somewhere in the middle. Beginning with a weak, sparse intro, it soon builds and builds to hugely rousing, choral climax.
Hook: Its bell chimes in the chorus.
RESULT: Out.

11. Sweden
Loreen
"Euphoria".
Now we're talking. With David Guetta consistently riding high in the UK singles chart, why this hasn't been picked up by radio and become a monster hit in the UK already mystifies me. Easily the best entry this year, this could potentially give Eurovision music some much-needed credibility with British music buyers. The best example this year of a stomping club anthem, I'd love to see this fly u-u-u-u-u-u-up the UK charts. I'm loving the simplicity of the staging, too.
Hook: "We're going u-u-u-u-u-u-up".
RESULT: Through. A no-brainer.

12. Georgia
Anri Jokhadze
"I'm A Joker"
Deep sigh. Here we go. It's one of THOSE Eurovision songs that drags the contest into disrepute and deserves disappear into the anus of forgotten entries. Little more than a list of dreadfully tenuous rhymes with "joker", he's clearly having a ball at a party I can't wait to leave.
Hook: The title says it all.
RESULT: Out. Good.

13. Turkey
Can Bonomo
"Love Me Back".
A sea shanty stretched out far beyond its welcome, this is simply awful. But still not as bad as Montenegro's Euro Neuro. "Like me like I like you and say na na na na ne na ne na." Poetry.
Hook: "Come up to my ship, baby, I'll make you fly."
RESULT: Through. Expected, unfortunately.

14. Estonia
Ott Lepland
"Kuula"
A full-on piano ballad, but with a male vocal. It's on the stronger end of the scale than most of its ballad competitors.
Hook: The title, really.
RESULT: Through. Very good news.

15. Slovakia
Max Jason Mai
"Don't Close Your Eyes".
Eurovision goes Emo! Sounding like across between 30 Seconds to Mars and Panic at the Disco, the song has a rather melodic chorus, wrapped up in heavy guitars and wailing vocals. I have mixed feelings about it.
Hook: "Don't close your eyes and pray all the night". And lots of screaming.
RESULT: Out.

16. Norway
Tooji
"Stay".
Bits of this song are ace, in particular the bridge and the first half of the chorus, but the very irritating production throws in these horrid buzzes and alarm-like synth noises that stop me from loving this as much as I otherwise might. But Tooji owns that stage much like Sweden's Eric Saade did last year.
Hook: "I don't know what I'm doing tonight, but this rush is making me stronger".
RESULT: Through. Yay!

17. Bosnia & Herzegovina
Maya Sar
"Korake Ti Znam".
One of the more forgettable female ballads. I'd elaborate, but there is little distinctive about it. It has some Celtic pan pipes towards the end, if that helps.
Hook: It doesn't have one.
RESULT: Through. No mean feat in amongst all the other ballads tonight.

18. Lithuania
Donny Montell
"Love Is Blind".
A bit of a mess, to put it mildly. Jumping around in style, from ballad to poor '90s disco production and back again, you can't help but feel there's a song in there somewhere trying to get out, but failing. By no means terrible, but I don't know what Lithuania were thinking entering this. The blindfold is in particularly bad taste.
Hook: "Love is blind, it's true".
RESULT: Through. A big surprise.

Eurovision Song Contest 2012 - Semifinal 1

Tuesday, May 22, BBC3, 8pm

Tonight sees the first of two Eurovision semifinals. 10 songs will go through to Saturday's final, 8 end here.
The UK don't get to vote in this one, but here's a handy cut-out-and-keep guide to which song is which, anyway.

[10:30pm: UPDATED WITH RESULTS.]

1. Montenegro
Rambo Amadeus
"Euro Neuro".
This sounds like an old man grumbling over the bassline from Chemical Brothers' "Block Rocking Beats", but that makes it sound far more interesting than it is. There is very little singing involved, if any. Hands-down the worst song this year, so don't let it put you off, it's all uphill from here.
Hook: None I can think of. Dire.
RESULT: Out. Good.

2. Iceland
Greta Salóme & Jónsi
"Never Forget".
An epic Celtic duet whose production instantly conjures mental images of forests, swords, fur coats and leather trousers. The specific melody may not stick in your head, but it will surely be remembered as "that Game of Thrones-y one I quite liked".
Hook: "Forever we'll be free".
RESULT: Through. Great news.

3. Greece
Eleftheria Eleftheriou
"Aphrodisiac".
A memorable and credible club anthem, with a sprinkling of Eastern vibes, like the best song Shakira never recorded, but with less irritating vocals. Its singalong "oh-oh-oh-oh-oh" chorus would also sound great on a dancefloor.
Hook: "You make me dance, dance like a maniac."
RESULT: Through. A no-brainer.

4. Latvia
Anmary
"Beautiful Song".
There's something oddly sweet about the sentiment of this song, hoping that if she wins she (and the song) will become hugely successful. Neither is going to happen, but there is a rather lovely melody in there. Unfortunately something has become lost in the execution, and the weak vocals aren't helping. What could be catchy quickly becomes irritating.
Hook: "Beautiful song is on the radio".
RESULT: Out. As happens to most self-referential Eurovision songs.

5. Albania
Rona Nishliu
"Suus".
One of the slowest, but most powerful female-led ballads this year, this is very simple and basic but features breathtaking vocals from Rona. Namely, lots of Björk-esque wailing, but the song couldn't be more different from her music.
Hook: The massive, held-out notes.
RESULT: Through. It was a classy performance, but clearly not to everybody's taste, so a surprise result.

6. Romania
Mandinga
"Zaleilah".
Daft, gimmicky, playful and insanely catchy. Horns and accordions over a dance beat, it's a fine slice of Eurovision cheese.
Hook: "Zalilalilaleh, every day, everybody."
RESULT: Through. Good for them.

7. Switzerland
Sinplus
"Unbreakable".
The closest thing to a pop-rock anthem this year, it's pretty catchy in a blandly enjoyable kind of way.
Hook: "Swim against the stream, following your wildest dream, your wildest dream".
RESULT: Out. A shame.

8. Belgium
Iris
"Would You?"
Iris, bless her, doesn't have the greatest voice in the world, and this ballad might be amazing in the hands of a true powerhouse vocalist. Whilst it's definitely one of the more melodic ballads, it doesn't make enough of an impact on first listen, but it is a grower.
Hook: "Any other guy would do".
RESULT: Out. Pity.

9. Finland
Pernilla
"När Jag Blundar".
A rather lovely little waltzy ballad, there's little memorable about this one, but it's definitely at worst a pleasant distraction.
Hook: Erm... The cello? She's singing in Swedish, but it sounds like she says "fucked up" in the chorus.
RESULT: Out. Too forgettable.

10. Israel
Izabo
"Time".
Much like last year's Serbian entry, this captures that '60s Carnaby Street vibe, but with a sprinkling of '90s Britpop. In other words, it's as irritating as it is catchy. Which is very.
Hook: "Zman-man, ten li rak siman-man". Which is ironic for a song mostly in English.
RESULT: Out.

11. San Marino
Valentina Monetta
"The Social Network Song".
Originally titled "Facebook", this had to be re-recorded for breaching rules about advertising trademarked names. So "Facebook" was replaced with "Woah-oh"s and "hello"s, but I can't say the song has suffered any, as it was pretty dreadful to begin with. Valentina's inept vocals are smothered in auto tune and she's clearly at least double the age of the character she appears to be playing in a song full of cheap innuendo. Inappropriate, creepy, cheesy and just plain wrong.
Hook: "Woo-hoo, woah-oh-oh. Everybody loves you so."
RESULT: Out. A no-brainer.

12. Cyprus
Ivi Adamou
"La, La, Love".
One of the strongest tracks this year, it's a real club-thumping stomper of a track that wouldn't sound out of place on a Rihanna album. Deserves to be a huge chart hit.
Hook: "Oh I'll be waiting for this la la la-la-la-la-la la la la-la-la-la-la la love".
RESULT: Through. Fantastic news!

13. Denmark
Soluna Samay
"Should've Known Better".
This mid-tempo acoustic ballad is instantly catchy. Think Natalie Imbruglia's "Torn", and you'll be in the ball park. It's only let down a little by the mid-section when the rather lovely chorus wanders away, and a very silly costume that makes the female singer look like a toy soldier.
Hook: "Now I miss you, like Sahara misses rain".
RESULT: Through. Hooray!

14. Russia
Buranovskiye Babushki
"Party For Everybody".
Ask most people in the UK what they expect from Eurovision, and this will likely be what springs to mind. Several Russian grannies in traditional costume, it begins promisingly with a Lion King-like chant, but it soon deteriorates out of nowhere into an excruciating pop-Cossack crossover that you will NOT get out of your head. But in a very bad way. UK voters will love it, in a rubbernecking-a-car-crash kind of way.
Hook: "Dance, come on and dance, come on and party for everybody, dance."
RESULT: Through. Unfortunately predictable.

15. Hungary
Compact Disco
"Sound Of Our Hearts".
My personal favourite of this year's ballads, the production reminds me a lot of Madonna's "The Power of Good-bye". Some might consider it bland, generic and over-familiar, but there's nothing wrong with that.
Hook: "This is the sound of our hearts, if you listen".
RESULT: Through. Probably the biggest surprise, but richly deserved.

16. Austria
Trackshittaz
"Woki Mit Deim Popo".
With the "w" pronounced as a "v" this sounds like an inappropriate usage of faeces, but I'm reliably informed it translates as "shake your backside". As rap entries go, this one is infuriatingly catchy. The chorus is hugely memorable and the insistent beat is somewhat infectious. It's absolutely terrible, of course, and yet I can't help but smile and chant along every time.
Hook: "Woki mit dem popo, woki mit dem OOH! OOH!"
RESULT: Out. Quite a surprise, actually.

17. Moldova
Pasha Parfeny
"Lăutar".
An odd title for a song in English (it's a type of musician) this is one of those Eurovision songs that would never ever chart in the UK, yet would get votes from UK audience for its novelty factor. Whilst it doesn't even make my top 30 it does have a certain inexplicable appeal.
Hook: "This trumpet makes you mine, girl".
RESULT: Through. Probably the biggest surprise of the results.

18. Ireland
Jedward
"Waterline"
They're back. Let's face it, last year's Irish entry, "Lipstick" was pure genius. 5 seconds in, it was stuck in your head. This is a far more generic pop-rock song and its lack of gimmicks make it much less memorable. But it's Jedward, so they will find some way to stick in people's minds, as the song surely won't.
Hook: "I am close to the waterline".
RESULT: Through. The last to be revealed, too. Congrats to the brothers Grimes.

The Voice UK - Live Show 4 - Jessie Vs Danny, round two

Team Jessie with Jessie J- We Are Young (Fun feat Janelle Monae).
Having to replay because Jessie's mic wasn't on, we eventually got to hear her struggling to reach the low notes we couldn't hear. None of her team did any better, and it was overall a tuneless car crash, rather than the rousing harmonious song it should be.

TEAM DANNY O'DONOGHUE
1. Max Milner - The Black Horse & The Cherry Tree (KT Tunstall).
Things started off nicely, with his acoustic playing and the loop machine that I remember Daithi using to such great effect in Must Be The Music. But that went out the window and he went a bit rappy and growly and less singy and rather unpleasant. Oh dear.

TEAM JESSIE J
2. Cassius Henry - Turning Tables (Adele).
He was standing on a turning table. See what Jessie did there? And she has the nerve to criticise others' visual choices. Anyway, Cassius's vocals were very strong, and far more suited to this song than last week's. He overdid the runs a bit, but I have no doubt Jessie would have pushed him in that direction.

TEAM DANNY
3. Bo Bruce - Love The Way You Lie (Rihanna).
Bo doesn't have the belter of a voice that I would expect on this song, and it definitely showed her limits. But she does have an Alex Parks vibe that I like, rather than a Diana Vickers one, so I kind of liked it. Kind of.

TEAM JESSIE
4. Vince Kidd - Your Love Is My Love (Whitney Houston).
Dressed like Brian Harvey on an 18-30, Vince gave it a more of a reggae vibe that worked fine, and for once he didn't oversing too much. He tried, but pulled back when the song didn't lend itself to it. Not quite the car crash I was expecting.

TEAM DANNY
5. Aleks Josh - Better Together (Jack Johnson).
There's sedate, easy performances, and then there's keeping your hands in your pockets. There's laidback, and then there's a bit dull. I couldn't fault his vocals, but it hardly kept me awake.

TEAM JESSIE
6. Becky Hill - Seven Nation Army (The White Stripes).
We get a marvellous moment when Becky forgets her lyrics and mouths "FUCK" at the camera. At 7.26pm on Saturday prime time BBC TV. Last week, she walked as she sang. This week, she walked as she sang. It was just as dull as Aleks, but in a very different way. Her vocals were okay, but unsuited to this terrible choice of song.

TEAM DANNY
7. David Julien - She Will Be Loved (Maroon 5).
I thought this would be a great song choice, but it ended up sounding like a bad Matt Cardle impression. Very disappointing.

TEAM JESSIE
8. Toni Warne - Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word (Elton John).
Toni has an amazing voice, and had the potential to nail that song. Instead, she started well before opting for the eye-rolling screeching approach.

Team Danny with Danny O'Donoghue - Somebody That I Used To Know (Gotye).
Now THAT is how you do a group number. Loved the staging, loved the vocals. Some of the harmonies were a bit off, and Danny was the weak link, but overall rather excellent.

RESULTS

TEAM JESSIE
The viewers save Vince.
Jessie saves Becky.
So it's goodbye to Toni (thankfully, though gracious in defeat) and Cassius (who completely threw his toys out of the pram).

TEAM DANNY
The viewers save Bo.
Danny saves Max. I'd have said he was the weakest of the four.
So it's goodbye to David (a shame) and Aleks (more toys out of pram).

American Idol - Week 12 - Semi Final.

ROUND ONE: Judges' picks.

1. Joshua Ledet - I'd Rather Go Blind (Etta James).
Keeping things amazingly restrained for as long as he could, he more than made up for it in the second half. Hellish.

2. Jessica Sanchez - My All (Mariah Carey).
Demonstrating a very impressive lower register (not to mention the high too), she easily sang this better than Mariah, who opts to part-whisper, part-bellow instead. She kept the showboating down to an absolute zero, especially compared to Joshua's turning it up to 11, and sounded so much better for it.

3. Phillip Phillips - Beggin' (Madcon).
Hearing an acoustic/bongos version of this song was certainly a novelty, and he traversed the song's melody nicely, giving it his own twist rather than indulging himself. A bizarre choice for his gravelly voice though.

ROUND TWO: Contestants' own picks.

1. Joshua - Imagine (John Lennon).
How. Fucking. DARE. He.

2. Jessica - I Don't Want To Miss A Thing (Aerosmith).
After singing it pretty much note-perfect (with a slight tweak of the melody), she suddenly hit a big, massive note at the end that went a bit all over the place. Uh-oh. The judges didn't seem to notice though.

3. Phillip - Disease (Matchbox 20).
Acoustic, with bongos. Sigh. Whatever it did in the first 5 seconds is pretty much all it did. Yawn.

ROUND THREE: Jimmy Iovine's picks.

1. Joshua - No More Drama (Mary J. Blige).
I have run out of things to say, in the same way Joshua has run out of ways to interpret songs. I'm hoping the title proves prophetic.

2. Jessica - I'll Be There (Jackson 5).
I've also run out of things to say about Jessica, as "vocally perfect" gets repetitive. Unlike Randy, I'm loving the absence of runs.

3. Phillip - We've Got Tonight (Bob Seger).
Something about this song brought a gorgeous, soulful tone I've never heard before. Behind that growl is a beautiful singer. Wow, consider me impressed. Performance of the night by a mile.

RESULTS
Through to the final are...

Jessica Sanchez
and...
Phillip Phillips

It's a genuinely pleasant surprise, as I expected a Joshua/Phillip showdown. Oh, how happy I am to be wrong. Which means we FINALLY say goodbye to the screeching of Joshua Ledet!!!! My heart is actually racing in excitement! He "treats" us to another dry-eyed "emotional" rendition of "It's A Man's Man's Man's World". Whatever. Ding! Dong! The witch is dead!

The Voice UK - Live Show 3 - Will Vs Tom, round two

TEAM TOM JONES
1. Leanne Mitchell - I Put A Spell On You (Nina Simone).
Dressing and styling her like Adele was probably not an unwise move, and this was a great song choice because it lent itself far more easily to her runs and trills, and she got to show off her voice's tremendous range and power without being anywhere near excruciating. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't buy that version but as a performance on a vocal talent show, it was superb.

TEAM WILL.I.AM
2. Frances Wood - Show Me Love (Robyn S).
Opening with a long note that didn't sound as great as she seemed to think, her vocals were very affected and she's overdoing the "yeah"s to the point of major irritation. At least she mostly stuck to the melody. Mostly.

Holly asks the band how they feel. They play the opening chords of Under Pressure. The subtitles read "ICE ICE BABY". How very dare they.

TEAM TOM
3. Matt and Sueleen - Missing (Everything But The Girl).
Giving the song a Gipsy Kings arrangement was an interesting idea, but they did affect the melody almost beyond recognition, and not for the better. The vocals were pretty much on-pitch though, and I liked the back-to-back park bench staging, but I don't think they have a future in this competition.

TEAM WILL
4. Joelle Moses - Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) (Kelly Clarkson).
I preferred her original choice of Celine Dion's I Surrender, and felt this was more of a cheap cop-out. Not that she sang it badly, although the bridge was a little sharp/pitchy. She didn't deserve her bottom two placing last week, but this week has taken a step backwards. Very disappointing.

TEAM TOM
5. Ruth Brown - Next To Me (Emeli Sandé).
Yikes. I hated the way she chewed indecipherably over the lyrics in the opening bars, but then it got worse as she mistook bellowing for singing. Indulgent and painful. The Voice UK has its very own Joshua Ledet.

TEAM WILL
6. Tyler James - Sign Your Name (Terence Trent D'Arby).
Considering how much I hated Tyler in the earlier stages, he's now made it two for two performances that I've loved. I could have done without the trills, and maybe a little less of the falsetto, but the good more than compensated for the bad.

TEAM TOM
7. Adam Isaac - High and Dry (Radiohead).
Thom Yorke's vocals are a mighty task to take on, and he looked visibly terrified. Although he far from put his own stamp on the song, he pulled it off brilliantly.

TEAM WILL
8. Jaz Ellington - Just The Way You Are/Just The Way You Are (Billy Joel/Bruno Mars).
It started off nicely, then he lost some timing when the second song kicked in. Unfortunately, it was downhill from there. His lower register showed its limits and his improvised runs were terrible. Not for me.

Team Tom (with Tom Jones) - Hit The Road Jack (Ray Charles).
Their harmonies were very good. Suspiciously so. And in fact, nobody stood out in a bad way. If only Idol group songs were this good.

Team Will (with Will.I.Am) - I Got A Woman (Ray Charles)/Gold Digger (KanYe West/Jamie Foxx)/Just Can't Get Enough (The Black Eyed Peas).
A less successful group performance. Leaving Tyler to do most of the work, they didn't bother trying to harmonise, and the mash-up was oddly tedious.

RESULTS
TEAM TOM
The viewers save Ruth. Ugh.
Tom saves Leanne.
So it's goodbye to Matt & Sueleen (whatever) and Adam (awwww.)

TEAM WILL
The viewers save Jaz. Ugh.
Will saves Tyler. A no-brainer.
So it's goodbye to Frances (hooray!) and Joelle (a shame, but she's no star, despite the big voice.)

RESULTS
TEAM TOM
The viewers save Ruth. Ugh.
Tom saves Leanne.
So it's goodbye to Matt & Sueleen (whatever) and Adam (awwww.)

TEAM WILL
The viewers save Jaz. Ugh.
Will saves Tyler. A no-brainer.
So it's goodbye to Frances (hooray!) and Joelle (a shame, but she's no star, despite the big voice.)

American Idol 2012 - Week 11 - California Dreaming/Songs they wish they'd written.

Sorry, couldn't think how to abbreviate that second one.

1. Phillip Phillips - Have You Ever Seen The Rain? (Creedence Clearwater Revival).
Surprisingly poppy and mainstream (by Phillip's standards, anyway) and I actually quite enjoyed it. Maybe he's playing it safe now that the final is in sight, and if it's making the likes of me stop complaining about him, then I don't blame him.

2. Hollie Cavanagh - Faithfully (Journey).
Blimey this song sounds like The Winner Takes It All at times, though this lacks a decent chorus. Hollie didn't start great but owned the song by the end, and her last 30 seconds or so were amazing.

3. Joshua Ledet - You Raise Me Up (Secret Garden/Josh Groban).
"I'm in the top 40, it's ridiculous!", says Joshua. Quite. He avoided the hairballs this week, but he came closer to his trademark hacking than he did to the song's melody. Sigh.

4. Jessica Sanchez - Steal Away (Etta James).
Looks like Jessica has fallen into the Joshua trap, hacking up a few hairballs herself. However, hers sounded in tune as the jazzy song lends itself to that form of singing a way that You Raise Me Up most certainly does not. Plus it demonstrated another side to her voice that we haven't heard before, proving she's no one trick pony.

Phillip & Joshua - This Love (Maroon 5).
You can't keep a good song down, even with Joshua and Phillip attacking it. As is becoming increasingly evident, the performers aren't given as much free reign to put their stamp on the duets, and they and the song sound better as a result- particularly where this two are concerned. More so with Phillip, of course.

Hollie & Jessica - Eternal Flame (Bangles).
Hollie definitely came off second best here, but their voices blended nicely, even if they didn't connect as well onstage.

Adam Shankman drops by to show clips from forthcoming movie Rock of Ages. If it's anything like the stage show, it's going to be excruciatingly bad. But he directed Hairspray, so fingers crossed he spotted something I didn't.
There's apparently some sort of history between Ryan Seacrest and Julianne Hough. I have no idea to what they were alluding, but literally couldn't care less.

Top 4 - Waiting For A Girl Like You (Foreigner).
Surprisingly, it was the girls whose harmonies sounded off this time, but it was quite poor overall.

5. Phillip Phillips - Volcano (Damien Rice).
Not much to the song, not much to the performance, but it felt authentic and true.

6. Hollie Cavangh - I Can't Make You Love Me (Bonnie Raitt).
Hollie, by contrast, takes a simple song and makes it BIG. She sang it very well, but I'd have preferred an acoustic version, as Phillip did, as the emotion was lost, yet again.

7. Joshua Ledet - It's A Man's Man's Man's World (James Brown).
Hearing that Joshua was about to tackle a James Brown song terrified me to my very core, before I even knew what the song was. It lived up to expectations. And then some. Horrible. What about that performance that surprised the judges bemuses me. "If you want to know what singing is really about, and emotion ... watch Joshua". You mean that tear-free blank expression on Joshua's face? No, Randy, I think YOU need to start watching some Adele. Or wait another ten minutes.

8. Jessica Sanchez - And I Am Telling You I Am Not Going (Jennifer Holliday).
I've never really been a fan of this song, and even Jennifer Hudson's Oscar-winning performance of this in Dreamgirls was for me one of the most embarrassing moments in cinema history. But as a vocal showcase, it's a tough one to beat, if you get it right. Jessica hasn't changed my mind on that song, but she unquestionably got it very very right. It's basically somebody shouting it you, but it's supposed to be, and her teary eyes told you all you needed to know.

RESULTS SHOW

Top 4 - California Dreaming (Mamas and the Papas)
More of a California Nightmare. I don't know why these group performances rarely work, but they rarely do.

David Cook gives a decent live performance that demonstrated borh why he won, and why he isn't a megastar.
J-Lo, on the other hand, lip-synced her way through a performance that demonstrated her opinion as a judge as valuable as mine.

Hollie goes home, but not before an adequate encore of The Climb.
Considering Hollie made it to the Green Mile stages last year, advised to give it a year or two to come back, it's a shame she didn't do an Alexandra Burke and wait two, as she'd have probably done even better next year.

The Voice UK - Live Show 2 - Jessie Vs Danny, round one.

TEAM JESSIE J
1. Toni Warne - Proud Mary (Ike & Tina Turner).
Delivering some very affected vocals that weren't to my taste, Toni certainly hit every note she aimed for, but I found it all a bit shrill.

TEAM DANNY O'DONOGHUE
2. Max Milner - Free Fallin' (Tom Petty).
Whilst his vocals had a nice vulnerability, his melodic decisions took some of the impact out of the song. It was competent, but a bit dull.

TEAM JESSIE
3. Ruth-Ann St. Luce - Promise This (Cheryl Cole).
Jessie has a lot to prove here, as Ruth-Ann was dreadful in both her audition and her battle. Choosing a Cheryl Cole song was wise, as nobody will come off second best by comparison. Well, in reality it was a mixed bag. There were a few notes that sounded amazing, but quite a few more that had me reaching for earplugs. Out come the "considering you're only 18" excuses from the coaches. It's a resounding "no" from me.

TEAM DANNY
4. Hannah Berney - Cry Me A River/Cry Me A River (Ella Fitzgerald/Justin Timberlake).
A cheap decision from Danny. Hannah's voice deserves a lot better and ended up drowned out in production. Ironically, they were probably the strongest vocals so far but this may have cost her votes. Out comes the word "brave". Uh-oh. Jessie criticises Danny's choice of dancers, something she did last week. Great, she's going to be one of THOSE judges. *COUGH* Louis Walsh *COUGH*

TEAM JESSIE
5. Vince Kidd - Always On My Mind (Elvis Presley).
I didn't have a problem with his hip-hop-lite arrangement, it was his horrific trills, runs and yodels that made this so excruciating. There's "making it your own" and then there's pissing all over it. Hated, hated, HATED it.

TEAM DANNY
6. Aleks Josh - Dream A Little Dream Of Me (Mama Cass).
It was a bit of a Bublé impression, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm not a fan of the double bass, but his vocals were nicely smooth and he certainly did the song justice.

TEAM JESSIE
7. Cassius Henry - Paradise (Coldplay).
This song is a real anthem; one that gets the crowd going, an opportunity for a singalong. Cassius basically took all of that out of the song and as a result proved he is completely out if his depth. It was great in theory, but disappointing in practice, as he clearly doesn't understand what makes that song special. The guy is talented, but it was a dreadful misfit of a song choice.

TEAM DANNY
8. David Julien - Sweet Disposition (Temper Trap).
The very tough vocals weren't flawless, but still excellent. The staging worked nicely, and he worked it and the crowd in exactly the way Cassius didn't. My favourite performance so far.

TEAM JESSIE
9. Becky Hill - Good Luck (Basement Jaxx).
Sounding far more impressive in the rehearsals than it did onstage, she put a lot into her performance, but seemed to be feeding off the audience reaction, rather than the song itself, resulting in her grinning inanely whilst singing angry rants. Bizarre. There's a smoky tone to her voice that I do like, though, and will hopefully be used to better effect in a future, better, song choice.

TEAM DANNY
10. Bo Bruce - Running Up That Hill (Kate Bush).
Placing her rendition somewhere between the Kate Bush and Placebo versions, Bo has one of those character voices, as opposed to a belter. It didn't set my world alight, but given the emotion she'd attached to the song, she did remarkably well not to break down.

RESULTS

TEAM JESSIE
Bottom two: Toni and Ruth-Ann.
I'd rather have seen Vince in the bottom over Toni, but Ruth-Ann definitely deserved to go.
Jessie saves Toni. At last, Jessie's taken the hint (or seen the blatantly obvious) about Ruth-Ann.

TEAM DANNY
Bottom two: Max and Hannah.
Danny has a far stronger team than Jessie, so it's more a case of the other three being stronger than these two under-performing.
Danny saves Max.

American Idol 2012 - Week 10 - 1960s/Britpop

1. Hollie Cavanagh - River Deep, Mountain High (Tina Turner)
Hollie is definitely choosing the right time to blossom. Her vocals were pretty flawless and she's starting to own the stage. She's by no means an electrifying performer, but is improving.

2. Phillip Phillips - The Letter (The Box Tops)
It's becoming increasingly irrelevant which song Phillip chooses each week as he pretty much turns them all into the same song. This one becomes unrecognisable as The Letter at 33rpm, but certainly recognisable as Phillip.

3. Skylar Laine - Fortunate Son (Creedence Clearwater Revival)
Very much in her natural comfort zone, especially given it wasn't her first choice, Skylar performed her way through that like a complete pro. Definitely the best so far.

Phillip & Joshua - You've Lost That Feelin' (Righteous Brothers)
Not a natural pairing, but it worked surprisingly well. Phillip clearly had no say in the arrangement, so it sounded mostly like it should have. Obviously, Joshua took the breakdown as his opportunity to screech. An odd moment at the end when Phillip tried to put a celebratory arm around Joshua and he flinched away. I can't say it disproved the argument that the biggest homophobes are closet cases. What a fucking arsehole.

4. Jessica Sanchez - Proud Mary (Ike and Tina Turner)
Glad to see Jessica throwing in some of the rocker hairography she omitted last week, even if it lacked a little commitment. The vocals were great, and she achieved that rough edge the song requires. Randy's right that she didn't quite channel Tina enough, in which case it's best to just avoid this song, rather than pale by comparison.

5. Joshua Ledet - Ain't Too Proud to Beg (The Temptations)
Whereas Jessica added just an edge of rough to her vocals, Joshua went all out and give me a sore throat just listening to the growly screeching on just about every high note. Ugh. Again.

Hang on, did Randy Jackson just say that RnB is what's missing from the US charts? Seriously? As opposed to what, exactly?

1. Hollie Cavanagh - Bleeding Love (Leona Lewis)
Ok, so Britpop clearly means something different to Americans from what it means to us Brits. Ironic, given Hollie's British heritage but hey, she took a big ballad and delivered it in spades, without sounding like a Leona Lewis copycat in the process. Some impressive notes were hit there.

2. Phillip Phillips - Time of the Season (The Zombies)
It turns out when he keeps a song at its original melody and tempo, he's just as tedious.

Hollie, Jessica & Skylar performed together on Higher and Higher, showcasing all three girls as great vocalists. Not much else to report there.

3. Skylar Laine - You Don't Have to Say You Love Me (Dusty Springfield)
Pushing her vocals to their very limits, she just about made it through this one. Some of her melody changes sounded great without being indulgent. Overall, a good job.

4. Jessica Sanchez - So Beautiful (Joe Cocker)
It's amazing how someone can do so much whilst doing so little. She kept it simple, hit every note and didn't feel the need to go for big runs, opting to hold her notes which always sounds better and far more impressive.

5. Joshua Ledet - To Love Somebody (Bee Gees)
The first half was surprisingly good. Nicely controlled, an appealing vocal tone, on the melody. Then the second half kicked in and it was pure Joshua and all that implies. The judges are out of their fucking minds if they think this guy will be a star.

RESULTS
The bottom two are revealed to be Hollie and Skylar.
Skylar Laine goes home, but not before one last reprise of Gunpowder and Lead to demonstrate that the show has lost its last remaining performer.
Oh well, onward to the inevitable, wrist-slashing prospect of a Phillip/Joshua final.