So it’s been a while since I’ve done this, but since I won’t be tweeting during the show, I thought I’d give it another whirl.
Firstly, a lot of the crazy, quieter and more puzzling entries (not to mention “Sandstorm” legend Darude) have stumbled at the semifinals. But if you are interested in seeing what you missed, I have made a YouTube playlist of the 15 fallen songs here...
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLGsn5xQ8IusbMxXy061-RJp4RatPSCvew
That leaves us with a pretty solid and diverse lineup for the final. The first half is quite ballad-heavy, but the second half brings the party and a whole lot more. There has been a #1 favourite to win since the song was released, but this year is generally regarded as the most open field in years.
1. Malta - Michela - Chameleon
An up-tempo, contemporary pop banger, this is a youthful, colourful burst of energy. Don’t take your eyes off the screen, this is a visual feast, and X Factor Malta winner Michela is clearly having a ball.
Which one is this? “Chama-Chameleon” (do-do do do).
2. Albania - Jonida Maliqi - Ktheju Tokës (Return To Your Land)
The first non-English language song of the night, this is a plea to the Albanians around the world to come home, performed very professionally by an Albanian superstar.
Which one is this? The ethnic wailing one.
3. Czech Republic - Lake Malawi - Friend of a Friend
A bouncy, colourful and energetic synth pop song performed by a charismatic indie trio. It’s catchy as hell, and has a weird talky bit in a strong London accent.
Which one is this? “Friend of a friend of a friend of a friend”.
4. Germany - S!sters- Sister
No, they’re not sisters, the song is about sisterhood in general, but not the only Girl Power ballad of the night. It's a pretty decent song, considering it's expected to come last.
Which one is this? The two “sisters” shouting at each other.
5. Russia - Sergey Lazarev- Scream
2016’s televote winner returns, this time with an epic ballad. Whilst it desperately needs more of a chorus, it still packs plenty of drama and Sergey's vocals are always terrific.
Which one is this? The multiple man in white.
6. Denmark - Leonora - Love Is Forever
Saccharine sweet, this is twee personified. Whether or not that’s a good or bad thing is up to you, but don't be surprised if you find yourself singing and swaying along.
Which one is this? The one with the giant chair.
7. San Marino - Serhat - Say Na Na Na
A huge fan favourite who didn’t qualify from the semifinals a few years ago, Serhat may not be the best vocalist in the world, but he has brought us one of the most fun, up-tempo party songs this year. One to enjoy in a very ironic way.
Which one is this? The middle-aged bald man.
8. North Macedonia- Tamara Todevska - Proud
The second Girl Power ballad of the night, this one is much more simple and yet way more dramatic. Tamara’s vocals are impressive and emotional. Pure class.
Which one is this? The woman with the mirrors.
9. Sweden - John Lundvik - Too Late For Love
An epic gospel track that will at the very least get you bopping your shoulders along. John, who also co-wrote the UK entry this year, is a very likeable performer, and this is expected do very well.
Which one is this? The gospel one.
10. Slovenia - Zala Kralj & Gašpar Šantl - Sebi (To Myself)
A simple, sparse but melodic electroballad. The two just stare into each other’s eyes and while the song doesn’t really go anywhere, you’ll either love it or be bored by it. Personally, I love it.
Which one is this? The starey hipster couple.
11. Cyprus - Tamta - Replay
A fan favourite, this is a blatant replay (cough cough) of last year’s iconic entry "Fuego", which came second. An up-tempo Latin-infused banger, it’s bold and brassy.
Which one is this? “You need my love on replay”.
12. The Netherlands - Duncan Laurence - Arcade
This simple, but heartfelt ballad touched a nerve upon its release, and has led the betting odds ever since. Duncan’s vocals cover a wide range, and he delivers them flawlessly. You can usually hear a pin drop when this one is on. If it does win, I can see it being a credible hit that may even rise above the negative connotations the UK usually associate with Eurovision.
Which one is this? The bloke at the piano.
13. Greece - Katerine Duska - Better Love
Katerine has a very distinctive tone to her voice, and this mid-tempo balllad is definitely very strong. The performance is very pink and feminine, but in a grown-up way.
Which one is this? The pink one.
14. Israel - Kobi Marimi - Home
Eurovision goes all musical theatre on us, with a soaring male vocal ballad that wouldn't sound out of place in a West End musical.
Which one is this? The musical theatre one.
15. Norway - KEiiNO - Spirit In The Sky
The song that you could most accurately label “a Eurovision song”, this one is as catchy as it is cheesy. It features some indigenous singing, known as yoiking, which merries perfectly alongside the up-tempo pop song.
Which one is this? The one with the yoiking.
16. United Kingdom- Michael Rice - Bigger Than Us
Our own Michael brings some big vocals to this big pop ballad, with a slight gospel feel. I can’t help but feel this has been unfairly overlooked this year, and will definitely be forgotten, given what comes next.
Which one is this? “BIGGER!”
17. Iceland - Hatari - Hatrid Mun Sigra (Hate Will Prevail)
An anti-capitalist Industrial Goth BSM group, with throat-strippingly shouty vocals on the chorus and male falsetto on the chorus. This may not be the favourite to win, but this is THE one to watch.
Which one is this? The Industrial Goth one.
18. Estonia - Victor Crone - Storm
A palette cleanser, this one is a pretty standard mid-tempo pop song sung by a handsome Swede. Victor serves lots of eye contact and will do his best to draw you in, if you’ve stopped talking about Iceland.
Which one is this? “A storm like this could break a man like this”.
19. Belarus - Zena - Like It
A very wordy, catchy, up-tempo dance-pop song. Zena’s vocals and stage presence are impressive for a 16-year old. Fun fact: She voiced the Russian version of Moana.
Which one is this? “Yes you’re gonna like it”.
20. Azerbaijan - Chingiz - Truth
A moody, futuristic mid-tempo track that builds to a very memorable chorus. Chingiz’s range is as impressive as his biceps as he nails the falsetto in the chorus without sounding like nails on a blackboard.
Which one is this? “Shut up about it!”
21. France - Bilal Hassani - Roi (King)
A mid-tempo RnB-infused anthem straight out of the Greatest Showman playbook about struggling against negativity. Bilal is something of a millennial Conchita, sporting a long, blonde wig, and plenty of attitude. He has a tale to tell and a point to make, with the help of two individually unique dancers. The overall effect is quite moving, and could make this a dark horse.
Which one is this? The boy in the blonde wig with two dancers.
22. Italy - Mahmood- Soldi (Money)
Leaning a bit harder on the RnB, this one is heavy in the bass, as Mahmood rap-sings his way through a very cool and catchy song, sung mostly in Italian. Some well-timed hand claps mean there are some amusing opportunities for audience participation.
Which one is this? The one with the claps.
23. Serbia - Nevena Božović - Kruna (The Crown)
Sung mostly in Serbian, but with some lines in English, Nevena’s phenomenal vocals and swirly staging elevate this Balkan ballad. Another returning artist, this is the first time she has made it to the final, and with a song she wrote herself.
Which one is this? Darryl Hannah.
24. Switzerland - Luca Hänni - She Got Me
This modern pop banger is catchy as hell, and clearly should have been called Dirty Dancing, but wasn’t for (what I’m assuming are) legal reasons. Featuring some very frenetic choreography, Luca does a pretty decent job singing and dancing at the same time.
Which one is this? “Dirty Dancing!”
25. Australia - Kate Miller-Heidke - Zero Gravity
This pop-opera hybrid was not expected to make it to the Grand Final, until the first rehearsal blew everyone away. This has now been elevated into a potential winner as the impressive staging takes the song very literally, if people can finally stop whining "but they're not even in Europe..."
Which one is this? The operatic one.
26. Spain - Miki - La Venda
If any song truly represents its country, it’s this. A full-on carnival party song with a flair of Mardi Gras, this one is infectious. I just hope they haven't overdone the staging, as Miki has more than enough charisma to carry the song on his own.
Which one is this? The carnival one with the house.
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