BBC1HD, Saturday 10th May 8pm
01 Ukraine
Mariya Yaremchuk - Tick-Tock
Kicking things off in True Eurovision style is this fun, up-tempo track. Whilst the song may be a surprisingly weak effort from the usually reliable Ukraine, it is still strong enough to be in the better half, and the inventive hamster wheel staging certainly helps sell the song.
Memorable bit: "Tick tock, can you hear me go tick tock?"
02 Belarus
Teo - Cheesecake
Robin Thicke, eat your heart out. One of the most distinctive and contemporary songs this year, this stands out with its smooth, catchy RnB vibe. The silly lyrics may do more harm than good, but may also help the song be more memorable. By bringing the backing singers/dancers into the fray, they've turned it into more of a boyband performance, which has helped remove some of the sleaziness, but also made it a lot more generic.
Memorable bit: "I don't wanna..."
03 Azerbaijan
Dilara Kazimova - Start A Fire
Adding some class to proceedings is this sultry ballad sung alongside a trapeze artist by a Davina McCall lookalike with an equally beautiful voice. In a very short time, Azerbaijan have established themselves as a true force in the Eurovision Song Contest, having won just a few years ago, and never placed lower than eighth. I have a feeling this year may change matters with this surprisingly forgettable entry that's lacking a memorable hook, so even if you enjoy the performance, you won't be humming it afterwards.
Memorable bit: The distracting woman on the trapeze.
04 Iceland
Pollapönk - No Prejudice
Eurovision goes punk! Well, sort of. At times, it has that early-80s/Arctic Monkeys feel of a song that was recorded in someone's garage. However, the colourful outfits ensure that these guys clearly don't take themselves too seriously as this fun, up-tempo rocker puts its unfortunately necessary serious message about tolerance forward in a humorous way. Take THAT, Russia! Even though it is sung in English, make sure you have the subtitles on, the lyrics are an absolute gem.
Memorable bit: The colourful guys going "b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b...".
05 Norway
Carl Espen - Silent Storm
Less is more in this simple but stunning male-vocal ballad. A stand-out, for the right reasons; simple, yet moving and very powerful. Not everybody seems to be getting it, but the lyrics and Carl's sincerely emotional delivery get me every time.
Memorable bit: "Someday I'll be calm".
06 Romania
Paula Seling & Ovi - Miracle
The 2010 bronze medallists return for a second attempt that's nowhere near as strong as their first. Having scored Romania's best ever result, the duo that played a blinder on their conjoined piano are back with a circular piano, but this time the staging is a bit of a mess, although the up-tempo dance/pop song is still strong enough to win over fans.
Memorable bit: The circular piano
07 Armenia
Aram MP3 - Not Alone
The former bookies' favourite is a rather inconspicuous ballad that builds to a somewhat impressive dubstep crescendo. For me, there are far stronger ballads this year, but it's pretty good and Aram sings very well. The staging is relatively simple, with Aram (ironically) very much alone, and the backdrop comes to life as the song builds.
Memorable bit: "You're not alone, you're not alone, etc."
08 Montenegro
Sergej Cetkovic - Moj Svijet
A gorgeous mid-tempo Celtic ballad, full of lush strings, pan pipes, crashing drums and beautiful vocals. If THIS was the favourite, I'd understand better, although it does end rather unexpectedly. They've thrown a lot at the staging, but the song is strong enough to not require it.
Memorable bit: The Pandora-from-Avatar backdrop and the ice-skater.
09 Poland
Donatan & Cleo - My Slowianie/We Are Slavic
An intriguing mix of modern RnB Beyonce beats and traditional instruments, Poland return after a brief hiatus with a song about women's curves, and have the staging to match. As for the song, it's screechy, irritating, shouty and painful to listen to, but is one to watch as it has been a massive hit in several competing countries already. It does, however, improve when it shifts to English. As for staging, it's Carry On Baltics as even the most traditional garb cannot compensate for the close-ups of pendulous breasts and suggestive milking. One for the dads, then.
Memorable bit: "Shake what your Mama gave you".
10 Greece
Freaky Fortune feat. RiskyKidd - Rise Up
Don't be fooled by the old-fashioned traditional-sounding funeral march of an intro. This quickly transforms in to a modern, dancey up-tempo mix of rap, synth sounds and trumpets (think Sam and the Womp). It's repetitive enough to be memorable, and would not sound out of place on a Radio One playlist. That's not necessarily a compliment, but this will either irritate the hell out of you or win you over with its youthful enthusiasm.
Memorable bit: Trampolines & trumpets.
11 Austria
Conchita Wurst - Rise Like a Phoenix
And here we have the most talked-about entry this year. The Bond theme that never was, think Diamonds Are Forever reinvented for the 21st century by a bearded drag queen. It's high camp, and certainly provocative, but there no giggles to be had here as she takes the performance very seriously, and it is absolutely phenomenal. Expect Twitter to crash. Fabulous.
Memorable bit: The bearded lady
12 Germany
Elaiza - Is it Right?
The first of tonight's automatic qualifiers is a stompy, old-fashioned, folk number. Whilst there are a few folsky entries this year, this one isn't country-folk, but more traditional with its accordions and rhythms creating a unique sound in this year's selection. Elaiza has a terrific voice, very reminiscent of P!nk.
Memorable bit: "I can't go on, I can't go on"
13 Sweden
Sanna Nielsen - Undo
Eurovision powerhouse Sweden are always one to watch, and this year is no exception. Sanna is a seasoned veteran, and very well-known amongst Eurovision fans, as this is her SEVENTH attempt to represent her country. She's not only achieved her goal at last, but is also a strong contender for the win. Undo is a big, produced ballad, complete with the obligatory "doosh... key change" moment. Still pretty good though, despite the poor grammar. "Undo my sad", indeed.
Memorable bit: "u-u-u-undo my sad".
14 France
TWIN TWIN - Moustache
The second of tonight's automatic qualifiers, this is a fun, up-tempo rap track with silly lyrics and silly hairstyles to match. If it was given to radio stations and credited to Pitbull, it would be played constantly and almost a dead-cert Number 1. That's not necessarily intended as a compliment, but it's catchy as hell, even though it's sung in French.
Memorable bit: The pronunciation of "Mooostache"
15 Russia
Tolmachevy Sisters - Shine
Booooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! Eurovision, it's all political!! Well, let's see. After their attacks on homosexuals and Ukraine, Russia aren't exactly being overwhelmed by international support right now, and deservedly so. So whom have they entered this year (other than Crimea, that is)? A pair of identical-twin teenage girls, and veterans of the Junior Eurovision Song Contest to boot. So to boo them would be unfair, right? However, the song's ironic lines about "telling all the world to show some love..." won't sit very well with anybody. Politics aside, the song epitomises bland (not necessarily a bad thing) and the bizarre staging is distinctive and effective.
Memorable bit: Children of the Corn on a see-saw.
16 Italy
Emma - La Mia Città
The third of tonight's automatic qualifiers is a ballsy, up-tempo rock-chick number sung in Italian with lots of attitude. Think heyday Courtney Love, minus the guitar.
Memorable bit: The Italian rock chick.
17 Slovenia
Tinkara Kovac - Round and Round/Spet
A bilingual, Celtic-inspired song with flutes and seductive rhythms, this is a real grower. It's songs like this that make me love Eurovison, as it's not the kind of thing I'm likely to hear anywhere else. The melody is very strong, and whilst it might not make a big impact, it is an effective palette-cleanser; nicely subtle, traditional and distinctive.
Memorable bit: "Round and round again we, round and round again we, go-oh-oh-oh"
18 Finland
Softengine - Something Better
The increasingly-rare sight of a rock act at Eurovision comes this year courtesy of these teenagers. Of course, by "rock" we're talking more Busted-wearing-shiny-suits than Iron Maiden. But it was the first of this year's songs to get stuck in my head, with a great anthemic feel and Coldplay-esque singalong "woah-oh-oh-oh"s. The staging is kept very simple- no movement, just a static band and lights. Lots of lights.
Memorable bit: "We found something better"
19 Spain
Ruth Lorenzo - Dancing in the Rain
The fourth of tonight's automatic qualifiers sees former X Factor UK's very own [X Factor voice] RUTH LORENZO!!! Yes, her what did Purple Rain is belting out a rather magnificent mid-tempo Ryan Tedder-esque ballad (think Beyonce's Halo in Spanglish). The vocals are phenomenal, and she is a seasoned professional. Can't wait for this one.
Memorable bit: "We're dancing in the rain, dancing in the rain"
20 Switzerland
Sebalter - Hunter of Stars
An insanely catchy, up-tempo folk number with twanging banjos, hand claps and a very memorable whistled section. It may not make a strong first impact, but is a definite grower, and the band give it plenty of infectious energy. I love it when the staging and choreography matches the musical construction of the song, and this one certainly delivers.
Memorable bit: "Want me to go, want me to go" and lots of whistling.
21 Hungary
András Kállay-Saunders - Running
Something of a downer, this ballad about domestic abuse has a thumping drum & bass chorus that's catchy in a good way, but still manages to maintain the ominous tone. The dramatic staging makes a great impact, too, particularly the final shot.
Memorable bit: "She keeps on running, running, running..."
22 Malta
Firelight - Coming Home
A refreshing, bright, breezy, uplifting, foot-stomping, semi-acoustic folk song that's the perfect antidote to what came before, whilst also being somewhat moving in its own right. Evoking Mumford & Sons and Gary Barlow's Let Me Go, my biggest criticism is that it could use its very simple-but-strong chorus more often for a greater impact, as the excellent vocals truly soar. The poppy-field staging reflects a more subtle version of the WWI setting of the song's music video.
Memorable bit: "Oh I-I-I-I'm coming home"
23 Denmark
Basim - Cliché Love Song
Tonight, Matthew, I'm going to be Bruno Mars. The fifth of tonight's automatic qualifiers is pure joy. Yes, the lyrics are intentionally daft, a song that definitely lives up to its title, we kick things off with a "scooby-dooby-dap-dap-diddy-die" in a seriously divisive, cheesy retro song that I simply adore. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that his performance sells the song as well as it deserves to.
Memorable bit: "Scooby-dooby-dap-dap-diddy-die"
24 The Netherlands
The Common Linnets - Calm After the Storm
The true dark horse of the competition came out of nowhere after playing a blinder in the first semi-final. What began as a rank-outsider, not even expected to qualify, has now become one of the favourites to win. As nondescript as a song can get, it's a full-on Nashville-inspired country ballad that doesn't really go anywhere. Even the black-and-white staging is pretty basic, too. And yet this deceptively simple song with similarly simple staging makes an impact greater than the sum of its parts. One to watch.
Memorable bit: "Oooooh skies are black and blue, thinking about you"
25 San Marino
Valentina Monetta - Maybe (Forse)
Eurovision loves a trier, and Valentina's third successive attempt has finally taken San Marino into the Grand Final for the first time ever. It's a mid-tempo ballad that's remarkably unremarkable and almost a carbon-copy of her entry from last year. It's not offensive, and the build as it shifts from ballad to something more orchestral and up-tempo feels fluid.
Memorable bit: Venus in her oyster shell.
26 United Kingdom
Molly - Children of the Universe
The sixth and final of tonight's automatic qualifiers is also the final of the night, and it's Royaume Uni's attempt to redeem themselves after not-giving-a-shit for most of the last decade or so. It's a mid-tempo, thumping anthem with a catchy "power to the people" hook and haunting harmonies. A lot of people are declaring this the UK's second coming to Eurovision, and it does indeed have a unique, stand-out sound, with echoes of Lonely Symphony, Frances Ruffelle's UK entry from 20 years ago. Credit where it's due, the staging is very powerful and reflects the song's musicality superbly.
Memorable bit: "Power to the people"
NB There are far stronger songs this year, but cue the usual Nigel Farrage-type comments of "it's all political" if it doesn't win. It is not really a song you'd expect to hear on the BBC's own Radio 1, so when they begin to playlist Eurovision songs, especially ones they've picked to represent us with no public consultation, only then will I believe they're taking it seriously.
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