The X Factor UK 2011 - Live Show 4 - Halloween week

Some major shake-ups this week. Ish.

Kelly Rowland is "sick" (as in "ill", as in "poorly", not street for "good"), so has been replaced by 2008 winner Alexandra Burke. Kelly is NOT, I repeat NOT stropping after her run-in with Tulisa last week over Misha B. Honest, guv.

Rhythmix have backed down over the charity name clash debacle and renamed themselves Little Mix. So the "Nirvana For Xmas Number One" Facebook campaign has been somewhat scuppered as their thinly-disguised altruistic excuse has now been reversed. Besides, the winner's single will be released a week early this year, so it's all fair game.

One of The Risk has left. Fortunately, it's the shit one I've complained about before. He's been replaced by the familiar, funny-looking one from that other band that left on week one. Fame, eh?

It's time... to face... the music!

TEAM TULISA
The Risk - Thriller (Michael Jackson)
Firstly, I noticed that the group were audibly harmonising whilst only one of them had a mic to their face. And this happened more than once. If they have backing singers, we should see them. Surely the point of a group such as this IS to harmonise? If it's not just those four guys who we're hearing sing, we need to know about it, otherwise it's all a bit disingenuous. As for the performance itself, it was all nicely staged, but the guys didn't actually put much performing in, and the vocals were their worst so far. They should be WAY better than this by now.

TEAM LOUIS
Johnny - That Ole Devil Called Love (Billie Holliday)
I did not expect that from Johnny- what a voice! You go girl! He just stood there by a piano and sang. Well. VERY well. Pretty flawlessly, in fact. Getting to hear his voice like this not only shows he's a worthy contender (other than "the fun factor"- yawn), but there's a unique, playful tone to his voice.

TEAM KELLY/ALEXANDRA
Sophie - Bang Bang (Cher/Nancy Sinatra)
I constantly accuse Sophie of sucking the life out of songs. This time, I could say she simply chose the more lifeless version to cover, but that is unfair on Nancy Sinatra. Whereas Johnny managed to be completely captivating by just standing there and singing, Sophie failed, her expression somewhere between vacant and stage school. I didn't believe or feel a single word (other than a few hackles). She's clearly this year's Rebekah Ferguson- the one with the horrid voice that everybody else tells me can sing. "That awful sound". Indeed.

TEAM GARY
Marcus - Superstition/Need You Tonight (Stevie Wonder/INXS)
Loving the monster mash-up. Those songs fit together amazingly well. Marcus is giving confident, assured stage performances that feel natural without ever having to compromise his voice. He demonstrates a physical and vocal musicality that you just can't teach, and demonstrating a hugely impressive vocal range without forcing or overdoing it. He's out-peforming most of the professionals they've had on that stage, and yet still has some work to do. He should go a very long way in this competition. As long as he doesn't speak.

TEAM KELLY/ALEXANDRA
Misha B - Tainted Love (Gloria Jones/Soft Cell)
Opting for the more retro original version over the Soft Cell version, she threw in a rap break to modernise it a bit, but there was something missing from her performance tonight, for me. There's no denying she has a fantastic voice, but it was at times I found it a bit sharp in a way I didn't enjoy. Rather than seeing this fierce diva attitude everyone's raving about, she seems to be disappearing into herself, and her performance is starting to suffer for it. But then that's not surprising after the shit she's been given from Tulisa and Louis.

TEAM KELLY/ALEXANDRA
Janet - Every Breath You Take (The Police)
Started excruciatingly badly, and the moments of improvement were few and far between. An interesting take on the more stalkery aspects of the song, and she looked great. But ouch. Not only her worst performance, but easily the worst performance on the show at all by ANYONE so far. Dreadful.

TEAM GARY
Frankie Cocozza - Should I Stay Or Should I Go? (The Clash)
Go.

TEAM LOUIS
Kitty - Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) (Eurythmics/Marilyn Manson)
I don't know why they felt the need to add the flange effect to Kitty's voice for the intro. Yes, it added a spookier element, but did they learn nothing from the auto-tune debacle last year? Kitty has a decent voice, and used it to full effect here. It did rely a bit too heavily on shouting, but even then you could hear the vibrato, and it was on-key. She didn't deserve to be in the bottom two last week, and doesn't this week.

TEAM TULISA
Little Mix (formerly Rhythmix) - E.T. (Katy Perry)
Great performance to watch, the girls stayed in character very well as demented dolls. Unfortunately, they hadn't tweaked the song in any way, so their performance was almost copycat karaoke vocally- albeit a very good vocal. I'm not quite as blown away as others are, as I think their harmonies still need a LOT of work, but it was far from dreadful and their individual voices are great. They just need to learn to mix them properly.

TEAM GARY
Craig - Set Fire To The Rain (Adele)
I know they've been stretching the Halloween theme this week, but seriously??? WTF does this song have to do with Halloween, especially when sung by a guy dressed in a Paddington Bear coat? As always, his vocals were very good, and, as always, the whole thing was very bland. He's becoming predictable, and increasingly irritating for it. But I couldn't fault it either.

RESULTS SHOW
Bottom two: Sophie & Misha B!

TEAM KELLY
Sophie Habibis - Shelter (The XX)
Sophie squawks her way tunelessly through another lifeless song. Millions are allegedly moved, I'm grimacing in pain and bewilderment.

Misha B - Use Somebody (Kings of Leon)
Breaking down on the final note, Misha gives a heartfelt plea, singing perfectly. What a contrast in performers.

Fortunately, all four judges (including a croaky Kelly Rowland, via telephone) choose to eliminate Sophie.

Just Janet and Frankie to go, and then the competition can truly begin...

The X Factor USA - Live Show 1

17 acts, 5 must go. One from each team, plus a further one from Team Simon.

TEAM LA REID
1. Astro - Jump (Kris Kross)
Obnoxious little teenage rapper kid. He did it competently, but... whatever. The judges chose to find him charming and talented. Me, not so much.

2. Chris Rene - Love Don't Live Here Anymore (Rose Royce)
He's the rehab one. More rapping, but with added vocals that are stretched to breaking point. It was a nicely funked-up arrangement that almost made it sound current, but hasn't set my world alight.

3. Phillip Lomax - I'm A Believer (The Monkees)
He's the Bublé-esque crooner that looks like Noel out of off of Hear'say. Worst. Song. Choice. EVER! Get a crooner to sing a rowdy, shouty, jaunty song? There's out of your comfort zone, and then there's downright sabotage. WTF was LA thinking? Phillip did the best with what he was given but it's becoming increasingly obvious that LA Reid is shaping up to be the Louis Walsh of the US version. And yet, Phillip is easily the best so far.

4. Marcus Canty - Do You Really Want To Hurt Me? (Culture Club)
Well, that settles it. LA IS Louis Walsh. Marcus comes across very Jason Derülo, with the musical production to match. Unfortunately, his rather decent stage performance did affect the vocals, but no worse than Derülo himself.

And it's judgement time already... LA saves Astro, Marcus and Chris. Meaning Phillip, the best vocalist in LA's category, is sent home. Also, notably, the only non-urban act. COUGH onetrickpony COUGH.

TEAM PAULA ABDUL
5. The Stereo Hogzz - Try A Little Tenderness (Otis Redding)
Well, they tried a little tenderness with the Boyz II Men opening, but clearly decided tenderness wasn't for them as they launched into a shouty, breathy rap break before going all Diversity on us with a dance break and then ending with a Motown beat. I think it's safe to say "they made it their own". I'm still not sure if that's a good thing, but they certainly put on a show and at times, the harmonies sounded great.

6. The Brewer Boys - Rich Girl/Faith (Hall & Oates/George Michael)
An acoustic opener becomes a hand-clappy singalong before going all hoedown with a countryish end. I'm starting to notice a trend in Paula's mentoring. Their vocals were decent but it was a little bit too Good, Clean All-American for my liking.

7. Intensity - The Clapping Song/Footloose (Shirley Ellis/Kenny Loggins)
The 10-strong group is made up from youthful solo rejects, and as mash-ups go it wasn't bad, in a Glee kind of way. However, some of the soloists should stick to harmonies. Footloose. That's so hot right now. At least this one found a style and stuck to it.

8. Lakoda Rayne - Come On Eileen (Dexy's Midnight Runners)
Made up of four female rejects (apparently us boys going to want to date them... erm, no...), this started off with the ballad fake-out before going all bootscootin' country- but it in a way that worked far better for the song. Some of the harmonies in the vocals sounded pre-recorded, which I hope is a compliment.

Judgement time again. Paula has a far stronger category, and a tougher decision. She saves Stereo Hogzz, Lakoda Rayne and Intensity. So The Brewer Boys, the rather bland but sweet duo go home. Fair play.

TEAM NICOLE SCHERZINGER
9. Dexter Haygood - Womanizer/I Kissed A Girl (Britney Spears/Katy Perry)
He's the mentally ill homeless or something James Brown ish bloke with the moves like Jagger and screams like Steve Tyler, dressed like Adam Ant. About as close to a car crash as this series is likely to get. A shouty, nonsensical mash-up that certainly had impact- but let's face it, anything good about it had nothing to do with Dexter. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the US Wagner. No, I'm giving him. Take him. Away. Please.

10. Leroy Bell - Nobody Knows (P!nk)
It's odd how one of P!nk's least successful (and least known) songs has gone onto have a new life a vocalist showcase on shows such as this. His smoky vocals were very much up to it, and actually suited the song in a Michael Bolton rock ballad kind of way, but there is a reason it wasn't a big hit.

11. Stacey Francis - One More Try (George Michael)
Phenomenal vocals from one of the audition favourites, as she launched into a respectfully gospel-tinged version of a great, but rather dull song. Yes, it did get a little bit screechy but in a forgivable way, injecting a bit of life into the song.

12. Josh Krajick - Forever Young (Bob Dylan)
Nicely stripped down, the big burly guy showcased his bigger burlier voice.

Judgement time #3. Nicole saves Stacey, Josh and Leroy. Wagner- sorry, Dexter- goes home. Phew.

TEAM SIMON COWELL
13. Simone Battle - Just Be Good To Me (The SOS Band)
Girl got confidence fo' sho'. Unfortunately she doesn't have the talent to back it up. I loved the funky production, but her vocals were probably the weakest so far tonight.

14. Rachel Crow - Baby Love/Baby (The Supremes/Justin Bieber)
The adorably precocious little afroed girl. I'm assuming. Irritating little turd, I thought. Horses for courses, I guess. Speaking of which, why Simon decided to dress a 13-year-old in tweed, I cannot imagine. Again, the vocals were just not up to scratch. If she'd waited until she was about 16 she might have had a better shot. But the judges see and hear something I don't, so she needn't worry too much.

15. Drew - Flashdance... What A Feeling (Irene Cara)
In X Factor UK we saw Sophie Habibis reduce a vibrant song about teenage verve into the dreariest of ballads. Here, Drew does the same thing; take a song that celebrates life and dance, then transform it into a dirge. I found her squeaky Janet Devlin voice rather horrid too. Not for me. Wow, and I thought LA's team was bad... And look who's next.

16. Thia Tolliver - Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) (Eurythmics)
This was the girl who originally only had two yeses before Simon strong-armed her through, despite her being shit (or "pitchy"). The ballad fake-out became a quite interesting goth opera choral arrangement. But she. Can't. Fucking. SING.

17. Melanie Amaro - I Have Nothing (Whitney Houston)
The one Simon turned down, despite clearly winning the whole series in her audition performance of Beyoncé's Listen. So, naturally, she sticks out in Simon's category like a sore thumb as the one with the best voice. He's clearly doing his best to sabotage her voice by giving her a big, dramatic, Bond-esque ballad and giving it a bland RnB karaoke production. Fortunately, her vocals were better than that. I can't believe she's only 19!

Fourth and final judgement time. Simon sends through Drew (apparently SHE's the no-brainer), Rachel (because that's "what America wants") and Melanie (TF for that). Thia is, surprisingly, likeably gracious in defeat. Simone, however, plugs her new single. Sounds like someone hasn't read their X Factor contract.

So there you go. What a massive disappointment. I guarantee next week will be better, though. (Please.)

The X Factor 2011 (update/preview)

Yep, it's back, so so am I! Well, nearly.

I've been waiting for the live shows with properly full performances to review, and they've finally started. Not only that, but we'll have the US X Factor starting their live shows in less than two weeks' time, and I'm hoping to review them too. And once that's all over we'll see the return of American Idol and (hopefully) the launch of The Voice UK, so hopefully there'll be plenty for me to write about.

As for now, I've just watched the rather underwhelming first round of the UK live shows. There's no public vote, as the judges each vote one of their own acts out of the competition tomorrow night. This will all have been and gone by the time I post my reviews, but my thoughts are already on Twitter (@shriggles) if you can't wait that long...!

Watch this space, hopefully I'll have posted something before the second round, next Saturday.

(c) SRW 2011. All opinions are mine. If you like what you read, all the better; if not, other opinions are available.